Life in Color ✔️

38~ Out

It took seven months to ease him out of the habit, even going as far as to put acrylic on his nails.

I pull him into a hug and the crying starts all over again. I flatten his hair out, humming a our mother's lullaby in his ear as his tears fall on me. It's so strange to comfort a child who's taller than you.

Sometimes you forget how much they need you.

"I'm sorry." He gets out between sobs and whatever's left of my heart shatters.

I pull away and grip both sides of his face, he tries to break eye contact but I hold firm. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You're Silver, this changes nothing." I wipe his tears away and he nods, the tightness on his face slowly lessening.

The others join our group hug, there's a lot of crying. Eventually we end up on the floor again.

"I love you guys." Silver says after a brief silence, rubbing snot off his face.

"We love you too." Saffron says, giving her brother one of her special kisses. He actually chuckles a little.

I smile at the sight but a bad feeling settles in the pit of my stomach. Did we make him feel like he couldn't tell us? How do I live with that if I did?

"I'm sorry." Sage offers, embracing him tightly. Silvers eyes bulge out of his head as air circulation is cut off.

After slapping Sage's back, he looks up at him. "Honesty, I should thank you. I've been terrified to tell you guys." He admits timidly.

"How do you want to tell people?" Sage asks, clapping him on the back. I know no matter how many times Silver tells him it's okay he will beat himself up.

"Do you want to tell people?" I follow up, he doesn't have to come fully out unless he wants too.

I can tell he's thinking about the question as he drums his fingers against the wall. "Sam already knows." I hate to admit it but that stings a little within my chest. "There's something I need to do before we do anything else." He declares, standing up.

Lead the way.

*****

It's dark by the time we get to the graveyard, flashlights illuminating a path we know by heart.

I'm amazed as I watch Silver. His head is held a little higher, looking more like Sage than ever before. When he stops in front of their tombstones he looks around, picking at the skin on his thumb. Initially I expect him start crying again but he seems at peace, like for the first time in forever he feels free.

"Mom, Dad." He says, acknowledging each headstone. "I'm gay."

The boys all hoot and holler, scaring a few squirrels.

"I'm gay! And I hope you're okay with that."  He declares confidently and with that he turns back around to us with the biggest smile on his face I've ever seen, joining the boys as they cry out with joy.

I stand off to the side while my siblings run around, looking and sounding like a pack of wild animals. Silver appearing happier by the second.

I'm officially the world's worst sister for not noticing how unhappy he was before. It's my job to ensure he feels happy and safe and he was alone in so much pain for God knows how long.

"Hey, Scar?" Silver says, breaking away from the chaos.

I put worry aside, placing a big smile on my face. "What's up?"

He almost knocks me off balance tackling me into a hug. "I didn't want to burden you."

"What?" I ask incredulously. Somehow, Silver got the empathetic gene and there's really no hiding from it.