cloudy days

five

☁️

Hours past and suddenly all the pain I couldn't feel before came rushing to me. My body hurts and it feels like I lost a part of myself.

Maybe this was for the best.

He didn't deserve me. He doesn't deserve all the love I provided him. It felt as if though I was entitled to be this ideal girlfriend he always wanted and unfortunately for him I wasn't.

I wasn't those instagram models or porn stars with a banging body, my ego wasn't as big, and mostly importantly: I am not and will never be perfect.

When Hanbin said he found someone better I wanted to laugh. Did he really think that he will find somebody better than me?

I'm the best he's ever had and he knows it. I wouldn't be surprised if he comes back running to me because he knows he needs me.

He was my sun and my earth. My mixed emotions got me feeling so high and who would've thought that I would end up in a relationship like this?

I didn't realize that I was crying until I felt myself hyperventilating. Why am I crying? What good would crying do? Crying for a man like Hanbin is a sin, but then I guess that makes me a sinner.

And so I stopped.

I stopped crying.

The place got quiet.

I walked over to the mirror and looked at my reflection.

"Look at you, look at what he did to you, he made you weak and pathetic. Suck it up because he's not worth it and he never will be."

☁️