The Sad Behind The Smirk (BxB)

Revelations

My heart sank to my stomach when I saw the grave striken face of my poor boyfriend. He had snatched his hand away from him mother's hands that were previously engulfing it. He shot off his seat and gave his mum the most heartbreakingly betrayed look. His eyes were holding tears that were waiting to fall at his next blink of an eye.

And I just stood there, watching, helpless. What am I going to do?

When will this endless chain of misery end?

"W-what?" He croaked out, his voice betraying him. 

His mother was already crying, her nimble little fingers wiping at her reddish cheeks. Mrs Higgins is a mess too... I feel like I know what's coming. I can connect the dots, anyone can. It's not normal that someone's school teacher ends up at their house, weeping for some untold reason.

"Mum. What do you mean?" Karson repeated, now crying. I just wanted to surge forward and hug him, and I did, just not hugging. Instead, I went closer to him and put my arm around his waist, squeezing, letting him know that I was here for him. He inhaled, thankful for the gesture and moved an unnoticeable step closer to me, basking in my warmth.

"I'm not your biological mother Karson." She weeped. "I'm so sorry I hid this from you, I can't anymore... not anymore. I wanted to keep you away from this darkness. I didn't want you to question your existence everyday. I didn't- I -" She heaved a sob and crushed her palms into her sullen eyes. 

"What darkness mum? What is going on?" Karson exclaimed, moving away from me and pulling on his hair, frustrated and confused and crying. I took both his hands, that were torturing his beautiful locks, and gently took them both, pushed one to his side and took the other in mine.

"It's your dad, he did this." 

Karson's eye went wide, the millions of questions running around in his head reflecting well on his pupil blown, emerald eyes. 

"- He told this young woman that he wasn't married, that shameless, lying bastard. He got her into an affair, impregnated her and disappeared from her life." She revealed, my breath was stuck in my throat. This is horrible.

Karson is Mrs Higgins' biological son.

Fuck.

"I was so scared. I didn't know what to do." Spoke Mrs Higgins for the first time, her voice scratchy. "He never contacted me after I told him about you." Karson was shaking in my arms, shocked. My eyes are watering by the sight of him, he looks absolutely lost and I couldn't do anything other that just be there for him. I felt so impotent. 

Mrs Higgins composed herself as much as she could and dove into her story.

"I dug around and found out where he lived and I came here and knocked. A woman holding a baby toddler opened the door and I remember being so confused. I had asked her whether Gerard Hill lived here. She told me he used to but not anymore. Then everything clicked, that baby was your step sister. I had been pulled into a sick game and I broke down on this very doorstep. I spilled my guts out to your mother, I do not claim rights for that title- to be called a mother. This selfless woman took me in when I was at my worst. 

I never said anything to my parents. I couldn't you know? I told them that I wont be in town for a while because my friend's sister had passed and she needed me there. Which was a lie. I didn't want to get rid of you, you were a life growing inside me and they might have forced me into letting you go. You were put there in the wrong circumstances, yes, but I loved you. But I was not ready for motherhood. I was an inexperienced teenager myself, only 19.

Your mother held you like her own when she first saw you and I decided that you'd be safe with her. She was a strong woman, selfless really. Who would be as understanding about a situation where their husband's apparent mistress was impregnated then dropped like a used tissue paper. Not only did that man ruin my life, he ruined her's too, she had your sister just 2 years ago and he walked out from what he had." By the time her little speech had ended Karson looked morbid. He looked angry, which I am guessing was directed at the no good sperm donor but he saw his mum in a new light. I saw it in his eyes. He was mad but he was amazed by the woman that he called his mother.

He turned to Mrs Higgins. "So you just left me? Just like that? You couldn't even visit?" 

He asked, hurt, hurt that his biological mother didn't care for him. I merely just rubbed at the base of his neck playing with the little hairs, there's nothing more I could have done, just remind him that he's not alone.

Mrs Higgins eyes glazed over once again, "no love, I remembered you, every waking day of my life, I missed you. I missed those wide, innocent green eyes that stared up at me. I remember your cries for milk. I didn't leave until you were healthy enough to be left alone, my love. Your mother urged me, she told me she'd take care of you, that I should return after I've gotten my education in check, find someone worthy my time. I called your mother, I checked on you. I cried everyday because I felt like an idiot for leaving you. Please don't think I didn't care. You are my first baby boy, the very first baby that made me feel like a mother. I sent a gift every birthday" She went on sobbing and analyzing Karson's face when a look of realisation crossed its features.

He nodded, the steady flow of tears still going strong. Karson wasn't irrational, he was hurt I knew that, but he understood where she was coming from, why she was obliged to leave him.

I would have been much less understanding about something so grave. She left him, a baby, with another woman for fuck's sakes, but even then I too, understood. 

"Okay. Okay. Just- just give me some time to wrap my head around this. I need to be alone with Kayden. I'm sorry mum." He voiced and turned to our art teacher and Karson's apparent mother, giving her a broken little smile before turning to face me. I pulled him up the stairs and into his room, he walked limply beside me. 

Once in the room I crushed him to myself and fell on the bed. He fisted my shirt in my hands and cried, and cried and cried more. I rubbed his shaking back, trying my best to comfort him. I'm just going to have to let him let it all out, I'll speak to him after he has a clear head. 

Why are shit storms always crossing our lives like its some universal joke? I thought as I caressed my boy's hair.