A Love Like Boomerang *EDITING*

🌹 Chapter Twenty Six 🌹

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I stayed at the hotel all night. I even stayed there for the next day. . .waiting for a man to come back to me that I deeply hurt.

I've been selfish, ignorant, and impulsive. . .and I've never been more disgusted with myself.

He never came back.. and when houskeeping knocked on the door to clean the room, I knew my time was up.

I didn't even have to pay for the room thanks to Jayden. Even when he hates me, he was still looking out for me in his own way.

As I sat in my car at a red light, leaving New York a reminder went off on my phone. I checked it and screamed loudly as I hit my steering wheel repeatedly in frustration, which resulted in tears.

Today would've been my little brothers birthday, he would've been 9 years old. I instantly thought of my mom and dad. This day is usually really rough for them and I hate seeing them like that.

The car ride home was long but I appreciated the time I had alone to think before I got home and had to explain everything to everyone.

Once I turned onto my street I noticed, Jason's car, both of my sisters cars, and both of my parents cars all parked on the street. I parked my car as well and took a deep breath before turned it off.

I usually could find something to be positive about.. or at the very least be hopeful.

Today, I only felt pain. Pain for my family, pain for Jayden, pain for myself..

Right now, I just really needed to be around my son. Nothing more, just him.

When I entered the house everyone was sitting around the table, preparing to eat dinner.

"Mommy!", Jayden yelled as he got up from his kids table where he sat with the twins, to hug me.

He ran to me and I scooped him up in my arms, hugging him tightly, "Hi baby! I missed you so so so much".

"Why you cryin' mommy?", He asked me.

"Mommy is sad, that's all baby. . . but it's okay. I don't want you to worry about me, okay?".

"I don't want you to cry", he pouted as his little hands rubbed my cheeks.

"I'll stop okay?", he nodded and hugged me.

"Guess it didn't go so well?", Sky asked me and everyone awaited my answer.

"No. . . It didn't go well at all", I sighed, "But I admited something to him. . . something I barley could admit to myself until last night. I wasn't ready to be a mom. Honestly, I was terrified of it. . . but the only thing that scared me more than actually having a baby was an abortion. I couldn't do it", my tears seemed to have a mind of their own because I just kept crying lately, "and I tried, I tried to talk myself into it! I tried to force myself to do it! I even drove myself to the clinic! . . but all I could do was sit there in the parking lot and cry", I explained, "I cried so hard! Mom had went through so much giving us life, all of us.. We lost our baby brother on this day.. nine years ago. Mommy still hasn't recovered from that kind of lost. How do you recover from loosing your child? You can't. . .", I shook my head crying, "You can't, you can't get over that. When I see Jayden Jr, I wanna cry. How could I not have wanted him? Fear just held onto me, and it held on tight and It did not let me go! How could I let that happen? He's my everything.. I'm so tired of explaining why I ran away from Jayden because there are many reasons why I did it but it doesn't matter because I shouldn't have. That will forever be my biggest regret in life.. and when Jayden get's older and I have to explain to him how his mother was a selfish coward who ran away from her problems and fears instead of facing it all, I will also be able to tell him that I tried to fix everything..", I sobbed, "I'm trying so hard.. and I hate myself for hurting him and his father and dragging my whole family into my lies because none of you deserved that..", I put Jayden down and he ran to his chair.

"I exposed you to a lot of my pain.." my mom began, "You, more than the other kids, Rose. Not on purpose but because you were always there beside me. So many times I cried on your lap and wished things were different. So many times I confided in you about the pain I was feeling and the mental things I was going through regarding the loss of your baby brother. The pain your father and I went through not knowing if we'd bring any of our kids home was unbearable. I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy", my mom got up from the table and walked over to me, "This is something I should've told you a long time ago. If I had, maybe you wouldn't have made such a mess of your life..", she stared seriously into my eyes, "You are not me. My fear is not your fear. The same thing that happened to me may not happen to you, Rose", she hugged me, "I'm so sorry I put the burden of my fears and pain on you. You were a child. I should've never done that".

"I don't blame you ma", I told her.

"No one is to blame luv.. Sometimes, it's just easier to run away from the things that scare us in life.. You are a mother now, it's time to stop running..", she rubbed my back.

She was absloutly right..

"Your a wise woman, you know that?", I smiled at her.

"So are you", she grabbed my hand, pulled me further into the dinning room.

I stared at her a little confused because she had a habit of sounding ominous when she was planning something or had a surprise.

She stared at the stairs case and I followed her gaze only to see Jayden standing there with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey..", his baritone said.

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