Secret Life of a Bitch

Timbuktu in it's off season

Dear Diary,

Well I'm here! The journey was a mare.

 So we get to the airport right, and I walk through security, turn around and Shaznika's been stopped, and I'm like oh my god my nannies secretly a terrorist and I'm responsible for helping her out of the country, could this Sunday evening be any worse? 

But all of a sudden, they're opening her case and out pops Chicken pop, Shaznika's chihuahua. (She named her dog during the time I was ill with the chicken pocks, and my mouth was so sore I couldn't say poc only pop and she found this utterly hilarious.) 

Everybody went mad, and it all got very confusing. 

Shaznika was sobbing on the floor holding Chicken pop because she had to leave him behind, whilst the security guard, a huge burly guy who seemed allergic to emotion, just kept chucking tissues in the general direction of the floor. 

Finally someone came over to see the commotion, but understood everything wrong, and tried to arrest Shaznika, putting her in hand cuffs, and little ones for Chicken pop. 

At this point I had to step in, I opened my mouth, ready to fire out my ethos logos and pathos, and straight up came out in a really twangy Southern American accent. 

I don't know. 

I don't understand. 

All I know is it worked and we got on the bloody plane, with that bloody dog.

We're here now though. Thank god. 

And I'm gonna be honest with you, it's really very cold. I didn't think to bring a hoodie, or really any clothes for that matter, so I'm currently in the hotel bedroom wrapped in the free dressing gowns they give you. 

Shaznika is over eating her room service meal, playing with the plastic phone, just loving life right now. Chicken Pop is not. He keeps barking and scratching the door, I hope we don't get charged for it actually.

Night is settling in now, and I'm a bit miffed. We were supposed to have the whole day but it's been so cold and I'm so tired, that I've kind of just sunk into the bed and not really got up again.

Oo except my stomachs beginning to rumble. This is difficult. I either die of hunger, but stay in this warm bed. Or I survive, but have to endure a miserable meal in the miserable cold.

Okay, I've decided maybe the latter was a tad dramatic, and have decided to live another day. 

I mean I owe it to the world. 

Shaznika bought lots of clothes, so I'm wearing some of hers, we're going to go down to the bar and order some late night snacks. I can't be bothered to really dress up so I'll just wear her sequinned black dress and a purple lipstick. Oh and maybe I'll just straighten my hair. 

Looking cute, lets go.

Over and Out,

Eliza x