I didn't really know how to title this entry. You're supposed to have a title for all your diary entries, and I am determined to do this the right way. It's a bit like clickbait, but for books.
I got mind mapping ;)
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
No, instead I looked to the side of my white bed frame and decided to start my first ever diary entry with a cup of tea. I am a true English girl. If I'm quiet I can literally hear past English generations congratulating me right now. I tell you people, this is patriotism.
11:00 Ugh, I'm really procrastinating right now. Sitting on my glass desk is my Geography book, which looks as uninviting as day old caviar. Then again when has caviar ever looked inviting? I have to do well in these exams as my mother is sure to tell the world about my results and then I'll be compared to every other child in Chelsea. (There's a lot.) Basically, if I get below an A, I'm toast, so going to this party tonight and getting pissed is not an option.
11:01 I'm still going to though.
12:00 Whyyyy do I do this to myself? I don't even really wanna go. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big party gal, but I have to see my ex tonight and I just know he's gonna have girls all over him.
12:25 I could dye my hair, wear contact lenses, pretend to be French (French people are always so cool) and make him fall in love with my alter ego "L'orange."*
12:30 Does that make me look desperate?
1:00 Yes.
14:00 Hey I could flirt with other people. I'm a pretty prominent 9 in the looks department, I could so get a guy if I wanted. Just a little bit of side eye, a cheeky grin, and then let L'orange do the rest.
14:05 But kissing other people is just so unhygienic. Like you don't know where they've been! Plus tongue kissing is so boring. I always make sure I have modern family on in the background so that whilst he's getting all horny, I can keep one eye on the screen and time passes quicker. Top tip, try it.
15:00 Yayy my Mummy just came round, she went shopping and brought me new white Prada heels for tonight. I love my mummy.
15:00 WHY IS HUMAN IMPACT A THING!? The more I learn about Global Warming, the more I'm doubting its existence.
15:05 Seriously though. These people out there trying to convince me that there's an invisible layer of gas above us and it's killing polar bears. Plausible? I think not good sir.
15:06 Sounds like something I'd say when high.
16:00 I have a bad feeling about tonight. My stomachs all squiggly, and usually I'm right about these kind of things. I think I might see if I can book myself in for a massage to calm my aching nerves, I could go the The Sanctuary. In fact I'll call Minnie and get her to come with, then we can discuss plans for tonight.
19:00 Oh I feel so relaxed. I've just been sliding around my bedroom like a string bean. Have fur throws ever felt this soft before? Minnie was tremendously annoying. I was trying to open up to her about my deep sadness concerning Jack (The ex), and she was so uncooperative, I didn't even get to do the thing where you pretend it's hard for you to open up, and then let out an emotional outburst before curling up and simpering "I'm so sorry, I don't usually share my feelings like this." But no. Our conversation literally consisted of her nattering on about how excited she was to see Ben, whose face resembles that of a crocodile. Of all nights when I really really need a best friend, she has to find a guy she likes. I mean can't we schedule these things or something?
20:00 Just had a bath, and am currently lying in silk kimono with pumpkin peel mask on face eating Ferraro Roshays. Oh I am so extra, and I love it. I really don't want to move though, the party is sounding quite unappealing right now. Fortunately, I have a peng outfit for tonight now, much helped by Anoushka my lovely lovely nanny who one day wants to go into fashion, once she stops being my nanny. It's a black and white pantsuit co - ord, yet the pants are flared and with my white prada heels, I feel like a bit of a God. Jack get down on your knees. Plus I'm going to wear bright red lipstick to draw him, and all the other guys to my lips, and I'll probably curl my hair, cause I'm just reckless like that.
21:00 I was meant to arrive an hour ago, but Minnie and I arranged to leave later, so we can be fashionably late. I'm going to her house so we can take her older brothers Porsche. Literally, my makeup is done, and I'm shaking with excitement, I just want to make Jack miss me! Even though it was me that broke his heart and ended it like five times... he's an ex and so automatically my enemy. I'm gonna watch a few more minutes of friends, I won't be late it's fine.
22:30 Shit.
23:00 Just arrived at the party and I'm fuming. So much shit is about to go down. I have to stay sober so I can deal with all this, getting drunk would be embarrassing to the nth degree.
