With Love, Étienne | ✓

Chapter Twenty-One

"DO YOU WANT TO ORDER IN?"

Louella gestured for me to follow her inside and shut the door behind me with a gentle click. Curious, I gazed around her home with probing eyes. It had been a long while since I was here, and I realized this was only my second time here since returning to Ireland. However, the last time, I had been too worried to even take in any of my surroundings. Suddenly, everything made sense from the moment I saw her. Her abrupt quietness and change in personality, the deadness of her eyes and the way her soul seemed to be sucked out of her body.

Her home always had that "homely" atmosphere to it which was probably why Milo and I used to love coming here. Her parents treated us like their own sons and had the tendency to feed us until our stomachs were literally bursting with home-cooked meals. We would spend hours here – laughing, watching movies, playing games. . . Anything and everything we did together.

"Take out sounds good right now," I said, "I could do with some Domino's."

Louella shook her head in disapproval, "Everyone knows Pizza Hut is the best."

I scrunched up my face, "No way. When have you ever had a good pizza from Pizza Hut? They don't have the same filling feeling as Domino's."

"Yes they do. You're just born to contradict everything I say."

She snorted and threw her bag on the couch. She fell back in a heap and released a tired sounding sigh. She rubbed at her eyes, smearing her eyeliner a little, but it didn't matter to me. She still looked as beautiful as ever. Even with her hair sticking up in a million different directions, it suited her round face. My hands twitched at my sides while I gazed over at her, unknowingly. She turned her head to peer out the large window and I let her get lost in her thoughts for a few moments. The silence was peaceful between us and I didn't want to interrupt it. Her head was resting against the back of the couch and after what could have been a few minutes or hours, her eyes fluttered shut. I forced myself to stand as still as I possibly could, afraid that even the slightest noise would wake her up. I could tell she wasn't sleeping properly at night and the exhaustion was beginning to seep its way into her everyday life. She struggled to stay awake during the day but couldn't sleep at night. It was a vicious cycle she was stuck in and I hated that there seemed to be nothing I could do to help her more.

It was that feeling of helplessness that destroyed me the most. The fact that I could only stand there and reassure her with my words. . . when all I wanted was to be able to do more. But my mind drew a blank. I had to respect her choices and decisions while also trying my hardest to be there for her. Every day, it felt like someone was stabbing at my chest with a knife – twisting and turning it at an angle. I didn't mind the pain though – as long as it took away from Louella's.

As quiet as I could, I shuffled over to the other couch and grabbed the soft blanket that was hanging off the arm. I had to stifle my chuckle when Louella's mouth popped open a little and small snores were filling the still air. A wide smile graced my face, however, and I placed the blanket over her body and watched while she immediately curled into the warmth it provided. Her chest heaved up and down in rhythmic beats and it was a relief that she was resting. Her parents weren't home yet and I wondered if I should call and order something to eat so that it was ready the second she woke up or try to cook something for her. I wasn't that much of a chef, but if I stuck to something simple, I couldn't go wrong.

I shut the living room door behind me so the noise from the kitchen wouldn't bother her and started to softly open the fridge and cupboards to find something to make for her that she would like. They had a lot of canned foods stored away and a few fresh vegetables in their fridge. I furrowed my brows, looking at the two ingredients and wracking my brain with trying to come up with something to cook.