Eternal Sunshine

Chapter Thirty One.

"My Ry, I hope you're okay. I'm so sorry I fucked up. I should of been there for you. I could of been there for you." I spoke softly just for her as I bent down and kissed her on her forehead.

I felt tears arise, and I didn't care to hold them back.

"Excuse me, just here to check on her." the nurse walked in. "Will she wake up soon?" I wanted to know. "She's on lots of medicine right now, so I doubt it. I'm sorry." she apologized.

"No, no. It's not your fault." I corrected her. "Hey, I know some ladies that will let me down in NICU I'll check on your little one for you." she gave me a friendly smile and left.

I pulled a chair up next to Rylee's bed and just laid there until I soon fell asleep.

***

"Hello?" I heard a weak voice say. I kept my eyes closed I thought maybe I was just dreaming. "H-hey." I heard the voice again.

I immediately jumped up, "Rylee. You're up!" I quickly got up and stood over her. "I need wa-water." she requested.

I looked around all over for a water, "Here's some." I sat her up and helped her drink it. "You okay?" I couldn't help but ask. "No, I'm in a lot of pain. Where is she?!"

I didn't know how to respond because I didn't even know much. "All I know is that she's in NICU." I replied. She clicked her ringer to call the nurses in.

"Yes, Mrs. Post?" the nurse came rushing in. "It's just.. I um, where's my baby? Is she okay?" Rylee said. I could hear the anxiety in her voice it was breaking my heart.

"Visiting time is actually open, let's go down and see her, yeah?" the nurse asked Rylee because she was in full panic mode.

Rylee didn't once make eye contact with me, so I wasn't really sure if she was upset. The nurse helped Ry get into the wheelchair, and pushed her all the way to NICU.

The nurse scanned her badge, but as soon as I seen the babies and nurses running around like crazy so couldn't do it. I just couldn't go in.

"You don't want to go in, sir?" the nurse recognized I stayed behind. Rylee turned and just looked at me. For the first time ever I couldn't tell what emotion she had, or even what she was thinking.

"Austin." she said very firmly.

I broke down in tears. "I can't. I can't fucking do it. I can't be the guy you want, or need." I said frustratedly. As much as I tried this just wasn't working.

"I'll give you two some time. I'll be around the corner if you need me." and with that the nurse walked away.

"Austin, this isn't the time, nor place to back out being a husband or dad. I'm not angry, or upset at you. All that my concern is toward the baby's health." Rylee said.

"Bu-But I just can't." I objected.

"No, bitch. You can. Suck it up, you have no other choice. I didn't marry you for fucking nothing." she shouted at me. I looked at her for a minute, she had so much love, and peacefulness I couldn't do anything but continue to try.

"Rylee, why do you keep forgiving me?" I asked her leaning in closer.

"The day we became friends you gave another girl a flower. It never crossed my mind to stop loving you. The day I jumped out on a limb and mailed you my graduation invitation I never in a million years I would have thought a baby would have resulted in it." she teared up some.

"Never, not once did I think to ever stop loving you. Yeah, you've brought me pain, but you've taught me patience and love, Austin. You've blessed me with a beautiful child, I couldn't be filled with any other happiness." she placed her hand on my jaw. I placed my hand on top of hers.

"You're everything I could ask for mistakes, problems and all. Now, can we go see the baby?" she giggled and wiped her tears away.

I don't think I've ever stopped and took a second to reflect on all the times Rylee stuck by me just out of love.

"Jade." I begin smiling. "What're you talking about?"  she stared at me confused. "Her middle name is Jade." Her eyes lit up, "Why'd you pick that name?" she asked.

"Remember that one doll you had named Jade? You dressed up like her and everything? Then you lost her, so I saved up all my money to buy you one and I brought the wrong one? Well yeah." I admitted.

"So, um these are some pictures of the custom Jade dolls I got Leilani." I placed my phone in her lap. "I know it's a stupid name, bu-" "Stop right fucking there. I love it, and the meaning behind it. I'm sure Leilani will love it too." she begin crying.

"Let's go see the baby now." she wiped the few tears that had fell. I went and got the nurse. I was so nervous, but I felt ready.

We went past the NICU front desk,  washed our hands and went back to where the babies were. I got a glimpse of the baby as the nurse walked up to her.

My eyes immediately filled with tears. She was connected to a machine, but she was sleeping peacefully. "Austin, she's beautiful." Rylee said amazed.

"Yeah she is very beautiful, baby." I said now having a waterfall of tears run down my face. I slowly walked over to her and leaned down to rub her. "Hi, Lani it's Daddy's here." I whispered softly to her.

A smile grew on her face once she heard my voice.

"She's already a daddy's girl." Rylee said. "She sure is." the nurse followed.

This moment felt worth it. Nothing mattered anymore other than this moment. These were my babies, and I need to cherish every single second I have with the both of them.

I rubbed her again, and another smile appeared.

"I love you, Leilani."