just a dream (camren)

forty six

She hears a little shuffling, and then her covers are pulled back and arms wrap around her. She feels a kiss placed on the top of her head, and Camila sighs. "Are you okay? You've been avoiding me."

"I- I'm just..." Camila stammers, turning over to look at Lauren. If anything, that makes things worse; looking into Lauren's bright green eyes makes her heart practically beat out of her chest. "I'm not... in a good place. These last few days."

"I figured that," Lauren replies, sitting up and passing her a pill and a glass of water. "Your Tylenol. Your mom mentioned that you get bad headaches after panic attacks."

Camila sends her a weak smile and takes the pill, downing the rest of the water. She wishes that the effect was instant, but the pounding in her head doesn't subside. "Thank you."

"It's okay," Lauren flashes her a small smile. "Why didn't you tell me you were feeling bad?"

"I- I don't... you make me nervous," Camila blurts out, biting down on her bottom lip. "And nerves- they're not- not good for anxiety."

"I thought you were feeling better," Lauren murmurs, laying back down and taking her hand under the sheets. She squeezes her hand gently and presses a kiss to her cheek. "I thought you'd started to relax."

"I do when I'm- when I'm not thinking," Camila admits, mumbling, "but when it's bad like this- I- I can't not think."

Lauren hums. "Why is it bad?"

"I- I don't... it's- school is coming up. You're moving away. My dad... he has all of these big expectations for me and- and my grades. And college, but I don't even... know if I want to go," Camila mumbles, "I don't know, it's like- like I was going to- because he wants me to, but I don't want to. And I'm not smart enough to get the grades he wants me to get, and even though- even though you make me nervous, it's like... you also have this weird calming effect and I'm scared that you'll go off to college and find someone better and-"

"Hey," Lauren shuts her up with a quick kiss. "First off, I'm not going to find anybody better than my soulmate, am I? And second, if you don't want to go to college, then you don't have to. It's not compulsory. If you really need time to think about it, it's not a bad thing to take a gap year. And you're definitely smart enough for it, but it sucks that your dad is putting a lot of pressure on you."

"It's like- I can't not go," Camila quickly tries to explain, "the whole reason we came here from Cuba was so- so I could have a better life. Better opportunities, like college. And not going would make me feel like the struggle my parents went through to get us here... it'd make me feel like I'm completely disregarding it."

Lauren watches her carefully, before she sends her a small smile. "You know, you won't be disregarding it when you're a Grammy winner, will you? I mean that. Why not try talking to your parents about it? It's always good to be honest."

"I- I don't want to disappoint anyone," Camila mumbles, hanging her head in shame, "I just don't want to upset my parents."

"If you live your life trying to please other people, you're going to end up disappointing yourself." Lauren tells her, and Camila has to admit that she has a point. "You know you've got a real gift for music, Camz. I know that, too. If anyone can make it, you can, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make you believe that."

Camila sighs. "If I go off and try to be a musician, my parents- they won't think it's practical."

"Work alongside it. Every musician needs a day job at some point," Lauren points out, sending her a small smile, "Live with me. When you graduate, I mean. We'll move in together. I'll be in sophomore year of college, but you can find a day job and work on your music in your free time."