Cupid's Arrow

April 11 - 23

April 11

I was able to do two laps around the village this time. I also got to sit and eat with everyone outside. Nya and the other women were happy to have me there. I got to hold one of the twin boys, he was so cute, though I learned he didn't smile yet. Scott has not tried to kiss me again, but he does hold my hand when we go for my walks. I'll be honest it makes me happy. I smile every time he's around.

April 13

I do not count myself as vain or at least have never considered it. Vanity is not something arrows have to deal with. I am struggling today. The stitches have been removed, I hadn't batted an eye when that was done. The look on Scott's face though when he left has haunted me. I know there is a scar there, I didn't know if I repulsed him now or not though. My nerves are frayed, I will ask him tonight. I can do it. I can be brave and ask him.

Well... that was interesting. My heart has yet to calm down and the fire racing in my veins has down nothing to help temper its furious pace. I finally had gained the courage to look at the scar myself. I remained in our tent to do so. Lifting the edge of my shirt till it lay just under my bra I was mortified. The line is jagged and thick, roping its way down my side. I used one hand to slowly trace the scar, awed by its ferocity when the tent flapped moved and before I had time to lower my shirt Scott was standing and staring at me. He hurried over, "Is it hurting? Are you alright?" I went to pull the shirt down over the offending mark when he stopped me still examining the scar. His hands were soft, his calloused fingertips brushing down my side. My insides twisted and flipped, goosebumps raising, "No, it's fine, I just... well, I haven't seen it and I was worried about how bad it looked." His eyes were dark, smoldering when he looked up at me. "You are more beautiful than ever, this scar only adds to that. I never did get to properly thank you for saving my life, " Scott leaned forward, his lips brushing along the scar, a raging fire erupted in my veins, my heart nearly ripping its way out of my chest. "Thank you." Then without a word more he was gone and out into the sunlight.

April 16

I have been getting stronger every day now. I can now take laps around the village, and help with the tasks of the day. The chief and the warriors have decided that I have the heart of a lioness. It's my new nickname.

April 22

Scott has not tried to kiss me again and it's starting to bother me. Maybe I was making this whole thing up in my head. Maybe Scott wasn't interested in me at all. Maybe it had just been me deliriously thinking that he might be interested in me as well. Maybe he was truly repulsed by my scarred body. Maybe there was something wrong with me?

These thoughts have been plaguing me mercilessly. I don't know what to do. I don't even know how to let him know that I like him. I don't have a gift for him. I can't give him medicines, I can't get him anything that he will need, he has everything out here that he would need to survive. Ugh, it's hard to think like this, it's still hard to write in this journal. My head swims when I look down for too long or when I am focusing too hard on the words. It makes it difficult but I must try, it gives me something to do at least. My near death experience certainly hasn't improved my weaving skills.

Everyone is very kind here to me. I have only the simplest jobs that don't require much strength. My favorite of all my new found tasks is that I am charged with watching the infants more now. I am quite comfortable caring for them now, and my favorite thing is to get them to smile at me. Arrow's do not have families, we are raised at the academy. We are taught and indoctrinated so that you question nothing. The more I spend time here I see how that isn't the best way, it certainly isn't the only way. The love in these family groups is amazing. The friendships that they create last lifetimes. I've never heard of an Arrow dissenting, probably because they are all hidden in the black book. How did the greats do it? See all these things and still come back like they weren't affected? I can say it now, I love this place. I love these people. I love Scott. I don't want to lose them, and I don't want to leave them. I can't, not anymore.

April 23

I finally managed to corner Scott. He was at the outskirts of the village, watching the sunset. I came up beside him and sat down. I reached over and held his hand and the sinking sun sent colors racing across the sky. We sat like that, just enjoying each others company as the bright oranges and reds faded into the night. Then the stars came out. Just as beautiful as the first day that I noticed them. Painted across the entire sky. Then a star shot across the sky. It wasn't like the little flashes of white across the sky. This had color. It was green. I jumped to my feet as it trailed across the sky. Scott stood behind me. It was a wonder. I leaned back into Scott's chest as the last of the color faded away. "Wow," I breathed out. I turned towards Scott and saw the same burning in his eyes that I had the day he kissed me for the first time.

His face slowly lowered towards mine. His lips as soft as ever brushed mine. We kissed under the stars. When he pulled away I leaned against his chest, listening to the heartbeat that I had come to cherish. He stood and held me in his arms, one hand softly brushing my hair, and I was happy, my heart was bursting at the seams. Electricity was raging through my veins, and I knew at that moment that I would never go back to the compound.