𝒋𝒗𝒐 𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔࿐

✰ fire starter.

my hair dripping wet, from a long hot shower. one that i could take in peace, while listening to music and screaming the lyrics out.

picking up the tin can of nightly moisturizer, my finger tips slide across it. patting and rubbing it into my skin, to have it be smooth in the morning.

just before i'm finished the bathroom door creeks open, i feel a pair of hands at my sides. they glided up and down feeling every asset of my body. if it wasn't my dearest boyfriend johnny orlando i would've felt violated.

he squeezes me tightly, leaving my hands to have no other place to go but the cabinet in front of me.

"are you almost done?" oddly enough i feel his nose sniffle in my hair, smelling if i'd washed my hair and if i did what shampoo was it.

"yes, baby why?" his hug from behind was very much needed, i appreciated when he held me, just because he wanted to or felt like it.

"i made some cocoa for us down stairs, and i wanted you to come and sit by the fire with me." in the mirror i can see his eyes on me, this makes me blush. never having anyone pay this much attention all to me, someone that wasn't even special.

it was cold, extremely cold. snow hit hard and covered the sidewalks, most places were cold. but the street lights were on shining down on the winter night. sparkling from the stars making the night even more significant.

"i'm done." i say, pushing the van of moisturizer away from me.

he connected his lips to my neck, gently.

"i'll be waiting for you." his arms slowly left me.

"hey baby," i whispered as his hands on the door knob to close the bathroom door.

"yeah?" he asks softly.

"can i please where some of your clothes?" i ask, and his eyebrows furrow.

"you didn't even have to ask my baby." he directs his hands to the closet. smiling as he walks back out of the room and down the stairs.

"i'll be down in a lil." i close the bathroom door, flipping through his clothes and drawers in the closet.

slipping his large joggers past my legs and down on my waist. his warm supreme sweatshirt, covered me just right. the most comfortable clothes were his, he didn't mind sharing with me.

i walk down to him playing with the strings on a throw blanket that was lazily thrown over him.

two white cocoa mugs sat on the table next to him. the couch pulled close the electric fire. heat plugged into the wall and shown in yellow and red flames. giving us an illusion that we were actually outside snuggled up by a fire.

"come here babygirl." he patted down on the open couch space next to him. holding my cup of cocoa in his hand, for me to take.

i crawled in next to him, having the same blanket that he was under fall on top of me. i took the cup holding it in my hands as i struggled to get comfortable next to him. i grabbed his bicep lying my head on it, and wrapping my hands around his waist. his large hand lie on my back, watching as the fire went up in flames.

my lips purpled around the mug, taking a large refreshing gulp of it. first thing i'd eaten or drunken all day.

"it's good babe." he twiddled with his fingers. he kissed my forehead, leaving his lips there. letting it linger for a moment yet, his mouth never left the skin of my forehead.

"thank you, i tried." he seemed nervous, in a way that i didn't expect him to be. if it was just him and i he'd never get as fidgety as he is now.

"you know i love you right?" he blurts, finding a way to pull me closer to him. my hand cupped him face, his mumbling lips left me forehead.

"of course i do. and i love you with all of my heart." he fakes a smile, i can tell by the way it's quick and rushed as it appears on his face.

"i know, i just worry." he says. leaving me to wonder possibly about what.

"why would you worry baby?" i rub the soft and smooth skin of his red cheek.

"something will happen to break us up and split us apart one day." he frowns poking his bottom lip out. ending his contact with me and gazing seeping at the flames.

"as long as we know our worth and who we love, we won't let any wedge squeeze between us." i sigh, placing the mug down as he sits completely up. leaving me uncomfortable and no place to lay my head so i just sit up as well.

"if i tell you what i'm about to tell you i don't think you'll say the same." his heads in his hands, making the whole moment escalate so fast. i didn't expect this and especially did now want to deal with it.

"tell me what it is then." i'm now irritated by a moment that i was once enjoying.

"i don't want you to get mad at me though, that's that last thing that i want."

all these emotions start not sitting right. should've just left my expectations at the door.

"johnny i cannot promise you that i won't get mad but the more that you don't tell me the more upset i'm going to get."

more complications that i didn't need, currently.

"i can't loose you," he runs his fingers through his hair, another nervous habit. "i know you, and i know how you react to these kinds of things."

"tell me." i grew more anxious, edge of my seat type scenario.

"but i-"

"johnny, i'm warning you to just tell me now." my hand balls in a fist in a way from me to hold me issues in.

impatient.

i look over to him, taking off his sweat shirt. slowly gliding it off of his body. the farther he went up, revealed a dark reddened line.

each scratch growing larger and longer. they stretched the whole of his back.

without saying a word, for i'm in awe and disappointed. i feel absolutely fucking disrespected. not wanting to stay for him to explain himself because i didn't want to hear it.

my body leaves before my soul can. legs carrying me past the couch until something grips softly around my wrist.

i look down to see johnny's hand, proceeding to walk away from the boy that basically just dragged my heart through the mud.

"talk to me please." his hand clamps fully down around my wrist and i use all force to yank away from him.

i just got personally shit on.

"at least say something."

i turn around with tears at the brims of my eyes, feeling his fingers brush against my hand and i pull it away.

"why?"

why the fuck did this break my heart, this part means a lot to a bitch actually. but love u.🖤