Memories (Slow In Progress But Progressing)

More Notes

After some several days... My life become as hell as hell... First, I have no any determination and courage to write or continue writing my previous book, Thorns, Second, I lost my closest friend just because of a *can I curse? TY* fucking friendship problem. And for more worst... She's too ignorant to accept my indirect apologies *sorry... I'm too private to tell an apology in public...* And Third, I felt like all people are throwing their loyalty and trustworthy problem towards me... Making me feel like I'm not loyal and trustworthy enough to be anyone's friend... And that's what I hate cause I never became one during my friendship w/ others... It makes me feel like I'm not really worth it to have friends... To be friends with others... People do always glare and show sign of disgust towards me... Even if I'm not doing anything... Is that because I'm not wealthy enough to attend a certain type of school... Is that because I'm just plain and ordinary... Unlike them that are wealthy... looking good and intelligent, genius students that are great at test... Being social and kind... Only to those who have the same status of life like them... That I just want to kill myself or to die if I'll be studying with these people... I have no friends anymore... The only one I have is gone and the rest seemed to be hating me... I'm not even good at being friends with others... I dunno what to say... Dunno how to act... I'm........ being envious cause my previous friends are now in a group of peers with my other previous friends... Happy without me.. Happy in their living... And my problems are added by my family.... Who treated me for many years as a junk and waste of time... Since my uncle who loves me as of who I am died on an unreasonable situation..... So basically I have no one to love, like, accept and be happy for me... I have no one but myself and my hatred gats....

~Serene