Journal Number One

November 9th, 2018 // 6:01 a.m.

I'm getting too sick & tired of writing in this journal... I might stop writing in this at the end of December... Sure, the therapist thinks I need to have more therapy from a higher professional therapist. Someone who had "more experiences & PhD's." Anyway, there's no reason for me to continue writing in here.

Why would I when I'm going to kill myself for New Year's? Why would I continue writing about my problems, emotions, mentality & personality? Why would I write about my shitty life if only I'm going to end it all?  Why would I continue?

That's my New Year's resolution: to kill myself & rid myself from this world. I'm sure everybody will be happy about it. I'm 220% positive that my family, friends & everybody will be happy that I'm gone. I'm so sick & tired of everything...

I'm so done of living this terrible life of mine... I'm so sick & tired of faking a smile, forcing laughs here & there... I'm so done... I'm too tired.

Now I'm going to say something very important. I'm going to tell you what to do when I die, even though you always tell me not to talk about such a topic. I mean, you know when it'll happen, cause I said when it was going to happen... Don't deny that as each second passes, Death comes closer to me ever so slightly. I have to talk about it now before my life is over.

We can never predict our fate. But when it comes to death... I'll tell you one thing; Don't cry when I die. I'll be gone & for me, there's no return. I won't be able to wipe your tears & tell you that it's going to be all right. Don't worry, I might be in a better place...

Those tears dripping down your soft face will make my sky burn to flames. So don't let them out. I don't want to hear your shaky voice saying I'm dead. I want you to smile & remember what I'm saying right now.

& know, that when you glare at the night sky, I'll be one of those stars, kissing you good night.

So, please...

Don't cry when I'm gone. There's nothing to cry upon. We all knew that this day was going to come, so why are you looking so glum? We all knew I was going to take my life, as I reached for that glistening knife. Glowing ever so softly on my table, I became a little unstable. 

My inner demons are losing their self-control, so now I'm spiraling into a dark hole.

A hole of mad & dark depression, I start to wonder & question. Is my life so valuable to you? Or is it not that important to you too? As if my life were to be flowing out of my veins, or I get hit by a train... Know that I'll always be here with you tonight, so here I am, to say good night.

Good night to the house that kept me safe at night, so that the monsters under my bed & in my closet don't bite. Good night to the wonderful family that gave me all of their love & that they're love for me will always be innocent like a dove. Good night to all of the true friends that I had, sorry if some of the memories that we have are bad...

Good night to the demons inside my head, & to the tears that I shed. On the pillow that's laying underneath my head, which will soon be underneath my head that's dead. Good night to this life of mine, here, I shall drink a toast with wine. A wine that's so red & bloody, right now, my thoughts are muddy. 

Good night to the thoughts that kept me up at 2 am in the morning, to you guys, I'm giving this as a warning. A warning that I'm going to be soon dead, so prepare yourself & finish what you said. Good night to everyone that I knew, please don't look too blue. Don't look too blue when I'm gone, this is my wish that I have drawn. I've drawn it out for me to complete, so now, here... I shall go to sleep.

With these final words to end the night in this journal, I have opened up wounds that are external.

Good night, Journal...

Hey, Demons.

(A/N: A friendly reminder- If you do like the story, please consider to vote for the chapters. Thank you!

~G)

769 word count.