The Secret Between Us [BxB]

40. Fuck A Silver Lining

"He's awake," 

Milo quietly whispers to me as he holds me in a tight embrace, not to soothe me but to pull me away from the large hole I just punched into the wall. 

"It's all my fault Milo,"

I cried into his shoulder as he gently rubbed my back to keep me from destroying anything else outside Thomas' hospital room. 

"None of this was in your control Matty. It's not your fault. You didn't even know he was in the country," He says but I puh away from him.

"It doesn't matter, he's still going to blame me," I wipe the tears from my eyes and Milo reaches out, holding both my shoulders and shaking them. 

"Matty, It's Thomas we're talking about. Just because this happened to him doesn't mean he's a completely different person," He says and I pull myself together again.

"He's never going to walk again," I said aloud, not exactly to Milo but to the world, to the Gods, to anyone listening. 

My baby was never going to walk again.

Jaydean started moving around when I thought of it and I wonder if she feels the amount of pain I feel right now. 

He just wanted to buy a screwdriver to build his unborn daughter's crib.

And now he's never going to walk on his own two legs again. He can't carry her up the stairs to sleep, he can't run around the farm with her, and he can't catch her when she falls. 

In the accident, Thomas' legs had been pinched in the driver's seat and mangled by the truck he crashed into head-on. The airbags and seatbelt saved his head and his body, just inches away from being beheaded. 

But they couldn't save his legs and they had to be amputated below the knee.

"Don't do that," Milo warns and I hold my breath, pushing past him and walking into Thomas' hospital room.

Thomas was laying in the middle of the hospital bed, hooked up to all kinds of IV's and machines after his fifteen-hour-long surgery. His dark brown eyes were murky and only halfway open as he took in long deep breaths. His gaze finally meets mine and he narrows his eyes. 

"Go...away..."

He mutters and I was so confused, looking around to see if someone else was in the room but it was just me. 

"T-T-Thomas...What are you-" 

"GO AWAY!" He screams and picks up an empty plastic cup of water, throwing it at me and hitting my arm. I stood there frozen as he groaned out loud.

"Leave...me," He moaned and closed his eyes while I clenched my fist.

"No! If you promised not to leave me, I'm not going to leave you either!" I flat out refuse Thomas in his drugged up state and his face scrunches up in confusion.

He groans again and I walk over to the side of his hospital bed and he closes his eyes.

"Different...very different...I don't want you to take care of me...and the baby...find better," He explains in broken sentences with his voice drowsy and dulled. 

"You're right, this is different. Our entire lives are going to be a little bit different but that doesn't change the fact that I still love you," I say and release my fists to reach out to him, gently covering his hand with mine. 

"Find Wesley," He mutters under his breath and his entire face scrunches up in pain as tears escape the corners of his eyes. 

"He's not...crippled," Thomas sighed and I couldn't watch his pain any longer, nuzzling my forehead against the back of his hand and closing my eyes.

"HE MADE YOU LIKE THIS," I growled in response but he gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

"But he's also her father," Thomas sighs, coughing out and yelling in pain as his body seizes and he grips my hand so tight that it hurts. But I don't let out a single peep as I let him go through the wave of pain but there was nothing I could do.

The thought of Wesley made me sick and hearing Thomas in so much pain made me want to vomit. 

"I don't want to talk about this," I tell him once the wave crashes and ends and I look up to meet his gaze.

He doesn't say anything as we stare at each other and I lean over the bed, kissing his forehead and running my fingers through his hair as he lets out a sigh of relief. 

"I think the pain meds are working," he groggily announces and closes his eyes.

"Shh baby, get some rest please...you need it," I remind him and he opens his eyes once more. 

"And I'll be right here when you wake up," I assure him and he nods before finally drifting off into sleep. Once his breathing levels and I'm sure he's finally asleep, I finally lose control. 

Forcing myself to sit in the chair beside his bed and collapsing into my own arms, wetting my bare arms with the pools of tears which uncontrollably leaked from my eyes.

Through the blur of my own tears, I gasped, gripping my mouth when I saw the outline of the stumps that were now my boyfriend's legs. 

"I love you,"

 I choked out the eight little letters through my own tears. Wailing so hard that my chest burned and my throat felt like it was on fire while I was left swimming in my own tears.