The Diary of Existing

FIFTY SEVEN

The irony of it all, because I thought that I would be giving this speech to her one day. Yet, here we are. She stands before me, all high and mighty, on her high horse just telling me how we couldn't be friends because she and I were just too different and how I was too fucked up to be part of her world, or any of her friends' world.

It was sickening to hear all of it, coming from her.

"You're one to talk." I cut her mid sentence and she let me.

"You're pathetic you know that?" I said as I looked up at her and Morgan's expression changed, to that of what seems to be anger.

"You know why people don't like you, but you just refuse to accept it. Or maybe you do know, and pretend you don't care but in reality you care about it deeply. Just know, that no one will ever like you Morgan. Jacqueline was right, you might as well have killed Tessa way back then. And you may try to rub off as a victim of sexual abuse, but in reality, you love it. You want it. You let him do those things to you because you enjoy it. And you enjoy seeing others, like me, like Tessa, just fall like you are falling. You keep people like Angel around so you still remain above reality, but you drag people like me and Tessa till we've fallen so deep we can't get back up."

She and I stared at each other for a while. And I could see it through her eyes, I could see that I got through her and that my words pierced her. Like a knife was just jabbed at her. And she was wordless, there was nothing she could really say.

Except...

"Fuck you."

The two words that she could only muster up to say.

"We aren't friends. We will never be friends. And you don't know me." Morgan said her final words and began to walk away, but turned around one last time.

"But I do still care about people like Angel, Henry and Wesley. So much so, that maybe Wesley deserves the truth." Morgan threatened and I found myself getting up from my chair, practically daring her to give it a shot.

"Henry knows everything, and that poor lonely boy still ended up having a thing for you. If I told Angel, she wouldn't think otherwise of you. She'd probably just feel more bad and want to take care of you. I mean, she stood by my side with the whole Tessa issue." Morgan began to approach me again, slowly, her arms cross and her face now smug.

"As for Wesley, well. I don't know how he'll react. He's a sweet boy, so maybe he'll forgive you for that. But if he hears that Henry was courting you, and then let's add the fact that Henry knew everything and you refused to tell him anything." Morgan was now a few inches from me, and she towered over me in her heels.

"Well, that will just hurt him. And who knows what will happen." Morgan trailed her words, and basked in the enjoyment of my terrified face. She reveled in it.

"Don't tell him Morgan." I pleaded, but I knew that it wouldn't do shit.

"Please." I pleaded, and I didn't even notice that I was beginning to cry, until Morgan placed a finger on my cheek and wiped it off. Then she looked at her finger, smiling wickedly as she enjoyed it.

"Poor baby. Too bad I don't care. Goodbye Alex." Morgan said and turned around and I wanted to scream after her, beg her, get back on my knees and plead to her and the Gods above that she wouldn't say a single thing to Wesley.

Wesley was too kind, he didn't deserve to get hurt like that. And I liked him, I loved how he had found a way to make me feel like a normal girl. Like any other girl who was liked by a boy. He was the only thing that I had that was normal. There was nothing else but him, and with Henry gone, Angel being a package deal with Morgan was gone too, there was Wesley who was going to go as well.