The Diary of Existing

FORTY FOUR

FORTY FOUR

I didn't know what I was going to do. But here I was, in front of the gates to Harrow Boarding School for Boys. I stared at the security by the front who was busy reading his paper to even notice me standing there. I didn't know why I was here, but a skipped a bunch of classes to even be here. I cleared my throat to try and get the security's attention. He stared at me from his paper and then looked back down at whatever he was reading.

"Teacher, Staff or Student?" He said inquisitively. I felt confused, so I remained silent and just looked at me. He glanced up at me when he realized I hadn't replied. He sighed and put his paper down.

"I'm asking if you're here to see a teacher, staff member or a student." He said and my guess was, if I said student he'd say no. If I said staff member he'd ask who and that would be the same for a teacher.

"I wanted to ask the headmaster something." I said and he laughed at me.

"Go on in, but goodluck seeing him. He's busy and if you don't have an appointment you'll be there the whole bloody day." He said and opened the gates for me. I just walked in, a bit surprised that he fell for it.

As I entered, it looked kind of similar to Queen Mary's. It was my first time stepping in but it did look the same, just a bit older with the architecture of the buildings inside. Everything else seemed to look the same, even some of the fountains that were no longer sprouting out water.

"Alex?" I turned and saw Henry, alongside a bunch of other guys who I presume were his classmates. But none of them looked like Wesley.

"Hi Henry." I said and I could hear the boys just egging on him behind. Henry just waved them off and looked  back at me.

"Sorry, they're just assholes." Henry said, making sure they heard the little description at the end. I just nodded my head and I suddenly felt nervous just speaking in front of me. Being in a male territory and all, and the fact that the boys behind him were teasing him about speaking to a girl. God, they're like middle schoolers or something.

"I was looking for Wesley." I asked and all the boys then gave out a loud oh sound, which was followed by laughter.

"Shut up!" Henry glanced behind and told them off.

"I think he's got class. I have self-study right now with these morons. What's wrong?" Henry asked and I was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable as I couldn't stop hearing the boys talking the back. I began to play with my skirt, fidgeting and Henry noticed.

"Let's go somewhere else." Henry said and grabbed me by the arm. The boys continued to tease as we walked away. Far away from them but you could still hear them. We kept walking and walking until we reached a wall, and what seemed to be a huge concrete flower box that was empty.

"Sorry about those idiots. They're pretty immature and I had them for a group presentation. We were headed for the library when I saw you wandering." Henry said.

"If I'm keeping you, you should go, I'll wait for Wesley." I said as I got up but Henry kept shaking his head as he grabbed my hand and made me sit back down, saying it was okay and that he'd rather talk to me than those morons.

"Besides, Wesley might be a while since he's got straight classes. I'm not sure what time his self-study is." Henry said and I just nodded my head. We sat in silence and he grabbed my hand, looking at me with concern in his eyes.

"Alex, what's wrong?" He asked and I sighed.

I suddenly remembered why I came here.

I came here because I wasn't okay, and I didn't have Henry's notebook to ease my situation. So I decided to brave it up, walk to Harrow and talk to Wesley about my feelings. Because it felt right, because he was courting me and I should depend on him more and not Henry. But here I was, depending on Henry. Sitting next to him when he should be somewhere else like the library with those idiots he goes to class with.