Detention

Seventeen: Funeral

We got stuff to celebrate, so here's a super early and quick update :)

I pull the black dress over my head and straighten it out so there's no crinkles. I put my black vans on, not even caring how inappropriate it looked. He loved it when I wore sneakers with dresses, he said it was always me.

just you

I grabbed my phone, walked out my bedroom, and walked to Stephanie's. I knocked and she answered two seconds later.

"Ready?" I ask, she nods and walks out next to me. We repeat what I did, only with Kian, and again with Sam.

Together the four of us walked out to the living room and waited until time to leave got closer, since we were supposed to be there before anyone else. We sat on the couch, no one speaking.

All of this reminded of the days our parents were going to be buried. Except Matt was there to help us through it. He took turns holding me and Stephanie, he'd caress our hair and hold us as we cried. He never once acted weak in front of us, until it came to his parents' funerals. He was vulnerable, and he couldn't hide that. It was hard seeing him cry, so sad and broken. I'm sure that's what we look like now. I checked my phone for the time, and almost cried at the locked screen.

It was me and Matt, I was kissing his cheek while he had one arm around me. That was one of the few fun nights we had at the beginning of our stay at the Pit. So many memories flashed through my head looking at the picture.

I remember the first time I had my first kiss, only because Matt was it. It was seventh grade and we were having a sleepover. The discussion of first kisses was brought upon when Stephanie admitted to us that she had kissed some kid named Blake. She made fun of us for never kissing anyone, and when she left to the bathroom, I asked Matt if he'd be my first kiss. He said yes, we kissed and left it at that. We told Stephanie two years later during our first freshman homecoming game. She said she knew because of how we acted when she came back, but she was never mad. It was silly, really. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.

"...now" I heard when I came out of my thinking state. I looked up and saw everyone getting up, I guess we were leaving.

We all piled into an SUV, Kian driving, me up in the front, Sam and Stephanie in the back. We started on the two hour drive into our town, where it was time for Matt's viewing. We set him to be buried around 11:00, but people could come see him for two hours. It was barely six thirty in the morning. I just wanted today to be over, so I can mourn in my room by myself. I turned around and saw Stephanie laying on Sam's shoulder, holding back tears as he rubbed her arm for comfort. I looked at Kian, his eyes focused on the road. His complex face made me wonder what he was thinking, or feeling. He wasn't as close to Matt, but sadness was clear.

"What?" he whispered softly.

"Nothing. I just-I don't know." he didn't respond, "I don't think I can don't this.." I whispered.

"I'll be there one hundred percent of the time. If you need anything I'll be there," he looks a me for a second, then proceeds to take my hand in his, "I got you, Mia" he whispered as he slides his fingers trough mine, which I didn't mind at all. Holding Kian's hand was comfort for me.

but it hurts, because Matt should be holding your hand.

--

Tons of people had arrived at the viewing, friends from school, a few of Matt's cousins, and people from the Pit. I sat in the front next to Steph, Kian, and Sam. I searched around for Damon, and found him standing in the very back of the funeral home. He nodded and I teared my eyes away.

"If anyone would like to come up and say some things about Matt, you're welcome to do so." No one moved an inch, then I felt Stephanie slowly rise and walk towards the podium.

"Um-hey" she groggily said. "I'm Stephanie, and Matt is...was my best friend," she paused, "Matt was such a good guy" she whispered ever so lightly. "He doesn't deserve to be here, he needs to be out-living the life he dreamed of," she broke. She started crying, but didn't stop talking.

"I would say he's in a better place now, and even though that is true, the best place for him is with all of us. Alive," she wipes her tears away, "but Matt is back with his family. I'm sure his mom and dad missed him a lot, because I sure do. Now they can all bake the sneaker doodles his mom loves making, and he can cook his lasagna that everyone loves so much.

"Matt wanted to make the world a better place, he really did. A smile would never not be seen on him, he was the happiest goon I'd ever met. He was there for me, for anyone really. He was the go to person for everyone, and it sucks that he's not going to be able to do what he does best anymore...make others happy." Stephanie took a break from talking, and I could hear everyone around me quietly cry. I wasn't, at the moment, because I was listening to what she was saying, and how true it at was. Matt was literal living proof of sunshine. Rainy days became sunny because of him. He was the definition of happiness.

"Anyways, just because he's no longer physically here, Matt will ALWAYS be with us," she continued, "Matt wanted to change the world, and although that's not what he did, he changed my world. For that, I am eternally grateful." Stephanie steps down from the podium and she sits down. After hugging her, I stand up and slowly make my way to the podium.

"Most of you knew Matt being happy, energetic, and simply radiating good vibes everywhere he went. He never once let people see his sadness or what he was going through, which wasn't a lot. But still, we all go through things. Matt just never let it get to him. Matt was my happiness, and the fact that we're all gathered here to watch him be set six feet underground is absolutely heart breaking. He wouldn't want us to be crying for months on end, and although it seems like the most appropriate thing to do, he's right. Matt's life was taken away from him too soon, so it's up to us to keep it going. After today, it's going to be okay to mourn, it's always okay.

"But we all need to keep Matt's happiness going. From this day forward, you all need to be happy, and find the positive in every situation. No day is ever an "I hate my life" day because things can always be much worse. Love your life, love people around you...love yourself. Matt wouldn't want it any other way." I walked off the podium and walked in front of his casket.

"Here's to Matt," I say as I lift my booklet they hand made for today up.

"Here's to Matt" I hear someone say, I look at the crowd and notice Kian standing with his booklet to the sky. Soon after, everyone in this building was raising their booklets to Matt.

"Here's to Matt," we all say together. I look at Matt's lifeless body and whisper, "here's to you baby."

-