Afraid | Nikki Sixx

52.

Carly's POV

We've been on the road for a while now, for a couple of weeks. We're getting close to August now. It's been pretty fun, besides the fact that Nikki and I have hardly been a couple. Drugs are taking over his life.

He's either trying to score smack, doing smack or way too high to even be considered a person. It's getting old, I miss him. He's not himself anymore. He doesn't do anything with me anymore, we just sit next to each other. We rarely even talk anymore. I talk to all the other guys and they are in the same boat as me. He's not a person anymore, I miss my boyfriend. I miss the caring person that once was my boyfriend, I miss Nikki. I miss the kisses, I miss the random "I love you's", I miss being held, I miss us just talking. We used to talk for hours about everything.

I walked into the back room of the bus and saw Nikki nodding off. I groaned loudly and walked back out. "Hm?" I heard Nikki say. I shook my head and sat on the couch in the main area. Nikki stumbles out and held onto the wall. "What's your problem?" He said, barely. "The problem is you're killing yourself, Nikki." I replied, looking away from him. "I'm just having fun, we've been over this." He said. "It's not fun, you're not even a person anymore. I'm just watching you slowly deteriorate." I said, finally looking at him again. He looks like hell, the once attractive man who's smile could stop traffic now looks like he's a corpse. "You look like you're already dead, I can barely stand to look at you." I said.

"You act like you don't snort cocaine every single fucking day," he said. "I'm not addicted to it, Nikki! I don't depend on it everyday, I do that for fun." I said. "And I don't do it everyday, that shows how much you pay attention to me." I mumbled. "Is that what this is all about? I don't give you enough attention anymore?" He said, scoffing a little. "Nikki, you aren't even my boyfriend anymore!" I yelled. "I miss you!" I said, tears filling my eyes. "I'm right here!" He yelled back. "No, I mean I miss the Nikki before drugs completely ruined him!" I yelled and the tears came streaming down my cheeks. Vince stood up from the table, that I just now realized he was at.

"Carly, calm down–" "I don't want to calm down! I want my boyfriend back!" I cried, my body starting to shake. "You don't understand how hard it is to watch someone you love to just waste away!" I yelled at Nikki, I walked up to him. "Please stop this!" I cried, taking his hands. "Please just come back, I fucking miss you!" I sobbed. Nikki took his hands away from mine and walked away from me. He climbed into his bunk and I dropped to my knees and sobbed into my hands. "Carly, hey.." I heard Vince say. I felt his hand on my back, he started to rub my back and then he pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me. "Shhh, it's going to be okay." He whispered. I cried into his shoulder.

"He's going to die!" I cried, sniffling. "I love him too much to just watch him die! I need to do something!" I said, sitting up and looking at Vince. "I hate to break it to you, but you can't help him until he wants to get help, Carly B." He said, sadly. I wiped the tears off my face and breathed out. "I can't stand him anymore, he's a completely different person." I said, rubbing my eyes. Vince nodded. "That's what heroin does to you." He said, sadly. "It's like we aren't even together anymore. He doesn't care about me, he cares about drugs and that's it." I said.

I looked around. "All of this," I gestured to the tour bus, "he's throwing it all away. Everything he worked so hard for is being thrown away because he can't get off smack." I said. I brought my knees up to my chest. "I just want my boyfriend back." I said, weakly.

An hour has passed and Nikki has gravitated to the other side of the couch, neither one of us making an attempt to talk to each other. I have been chain smoking cigarettes since our argument because it's the only way I know how to try to relieve stress. I just put out my 12th cigarette and sighed out. My lungs hurt from smoking so much, but I just keep reaching for another one. I went to get my pack again when Vince grabbed it from me. "Hey!" I said, standing up. "No, no more until we go out." He said, smiling at me. "Going out?" I asked. "Yeah, just you and I so, hurry up and get dressed because I am taking you to a club because you've been sulking around way too much lately." He said. I smiled. "Get dressed already?" I asked. He nodded. "As soon as the bus stops, I'm calling a limo and we are getting fucked up." He laughed. I laughed and walked over to my suitcase.

Nikki just so happens to be right next to it and he didn't even glance up at me. I felt a pang of sadness hit me as I grabbed my clothes and walked into the back room to change. I shut the door and I stood there, usually Nikki would follow in and talk to me after our arguments and our silent treatments, but I didn't even hear footsteps.

The Nikki I knew is gone.

(a/n: thank you so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed! please vote, it's greatly appreciated. feedback is always welcome! okay bye👻)