Afraid | Nikki Sixx

12.

Nikki's POV

It's been 2 months since Carly and I have had contact. I've tried calling her but, she's changed her number, it's been hell.

Our new album, Theater Of Pain was released, I'm sure we're gonna be expected to go on tour soon, but I really can't even find the strength to get up and shower, how the hell am I suppose to tour?

My hair is all in knots, I've lost almost 20lbs, my clothes hang off of me. I haven't even gotten a look at my reflection, I don't care to. I don't wanna see what's staring back at me. I'm not that hungry anymore, I live off of drugs and Jack Daniels. I can't even seem to get drunk anymore. I feel like I'm standing in front of deaths door, begging to get inside and he won't let me in.

I stood up from my bed and shivered, walking over to my stash to get my fix. I'm obviously not blaming all of this on Carly, I've been fucked up before she was even in the picture. My eyelids are droopy, my head can hardly stay up right, it's hard to walk without my head pounding. I need to stop, but I need the drugs more.

I started to get my stash when I caught glimpse of a stack of pictures on my dresser, I stopped in my tracks and shuffled over to them. I picked them up and started to flip through them. It's mostly just the band and I, I was about to put them down when I came across a certain picture.

This is a picture that one of the guys took of Carly and I. It was the night she drank with us. She's sitting in my lap, her arms wrapped around me, we were both in the middle of laughing, the smile on her face.. I miss that smile. I miss having my arms securely around her.

I looked at the picture for what seemed like hours, then I walked over and put my shoes on, I slipped my leather jacket on and slipped the picture into my pocket. I stumbled to my feet and walked to my front door, I breathed out and then walked out, shutting the door behind me. I started to make, what seemed like the long journey, to Carly's house.

I turned the corner and started to walk down Carly's street and finally stopped in front of her house, my knees began to shake. I haven't seen her in so long, but I haven't given up.

I walked up her steps and knocked on her door, I heard soft footsteps coming towards the door, the stopped and then I heard them walk away. She looked through the peephole and saw that it was me and just walked away. I turned the doorknob, of course it's locked. I looked inside a plant on her porch, no key. I stepped back and looked under her door mat, bingo.

I picked up the spare key and unlocked the door, I pushed the door open, Carly spun around. "Get out," she simply said. "No, I'm not leaving." I replied. "I'm going to call the police if you don't get out!" She exclaimed. I stepped inside and shut the door behind me. "I mean it, Nikki!" Her voice cracked. She quickly walked over to the phone and picked it up, she started to dial but, I ran over and placed my hand on it, ending the call. "Nikki!" She cried, tears falling down her cheeks.

"Please let me talk!" I pleaded, I grabbed the phone from her hand and put it down. "Carly, I haven't been able to get you out of my head," I began. "You're all I think about and I can't just throw away three amazing months with an amazing person like you." I said, tears filling my eyes.

"You don't mean that," Carly's voice shook. "I heard what you and the rest of Motley had to say about me-" "You heard what they said, I never said that, I never agreed with them, I never laughed with them, I was going to defend you but, we heard you storm out!" I cut her off.

She shook her head. "You're a fucking liar," she whispered. "I'm not lying, Carly!" I exclaimed. I looked away from her for a moment, then returned my gaze to her. "You know I didn't say any of that, you're saying you heard everything?" I asked her, she slowly nodded. "Then, you heard that I didn't say anything wrong about you!" I said. "You're trying to find any excuse to give up on me because you're scared!" I challenged.

"That's not true!" She yelled. "I gave up because I finally heard what you thought of me! You didn't stand up for me, you just let them all laugh at me!" She yelled back, tears steadily streaming down her face. "I was going to stand up for you!" I yelled back.

"Why won't you just leave?!" She cried. "I'm not leaving, I told you this!" I replied.

She walked away from me. "Leave, Nikki!" She sobbed. "I know you don't want me to leave, look at this!" I yelled, pulling the picture I brought out of my pocket. "Look at the way you're smiling! Don't you dare tell me that you didn't feel anything!" I said, facing the picture towards Carly. "Don't tell me to leave! I know you don't want me to leave!"

"Y-Y.. Yes I do!" She struggled to speak, refusing to look at the picture. "Why won't you look at the fucking picture?!" I yelled. "Because, I don't want to!" She cried. "Why're you so afraid? What are you so afraid of?! Why are you so scared of me?!" I yelled.

"Because!" She yelled, tears streaming down her face. "WHY?!" I yelled, growing frustrated.

"Because I realized that I was falling in love with you!!" She yelled, finally breaking. I stepped backwards, I wasn't expecting that.

"You, you're what?" I asked, astonished. Her breathing got more uneven. "I.. I'm falling for you," she said, sounding like she was telling herself that more than me. "That's why you're scared?" I asked, stepping closer to her. She stepped back. "Carly, I'm not gonna hurt you," I spoke softly.

"I've never started to love someone outside of my family before like this," Carly said, her voice uneasy, her body was visibly shaking, tears were still streaming down her face. "I haven't either," I replied, simply.

"What?.." She asked. I walked over to her, taking her hands in mine. "I'm falling for you, too." I said, barely above a whisper.

I pulled her close to me, our bodies presses against one another. Our eyes met. "I've missed you," Carly whispered, our noses gently brushing against each other. "You have no idea, Carly." I replied.

I leaned in and kissed her lips passionately. Her hands ran up my body and wrapped my arms around my neck, pulling me even closer to her.

She smiled out of the kiss. "Come to bed with me," she said, breathlessly. "I missed falling asleep in your arms."

Somehow, in between the kissing, we made it into her room, laying in her bed, my arms around her, her hand running up and down my arm. "I'm so happy you're back." I said, studying her face, she smiled that beautiful smile, that smile that made me attracted to her in the first place, "I'm so happy you're back."

(a/n: aw cute :'D thank you for reading, please vote! feedback is always welcome, bye👻)