The Trouble with Love

❝ another life that's gone to waste ❞

I remembered how Blake used to spontaneously bring flowers home for Avril and how she used to massage his shoulders if it had been a stressful day at work for him.

I remembered how Blake had refused to let Avril give me the 'birds-and-bees' talk despite us starting the unit at school, claiming that I wouldn't be needing it, or putting it to use any time soon.

I even remembered how they had taken me to IKEA and let me pick out every piece of furniture or decor I wanted in my room when I had first gone to live with them, which was why my room had looked like a rainbow threw up in it for the next seven years.

So why couldn't I remember what I had said?

I squeezed my eyes shut, thinking back to their funeral. I remembered that it had been surprisingly nice that day. I remembered running my sweaty hands over my dress as I made my way to the front. I remembered staring into a somber crowd of strangers dressed in black as I spoke.

But I didn't remember what I said.

"The memories are more important than the five minute speech I made in front of a bunch of strangers." Blake and Avril had a life before I came to live with them, of course.

"What would Skylar want you to say?" I asked when he didn't respond.

"I don't know," he admitted. "She did a lot... I don't know if she'd be upset..."

He trailed off and I stayed silent though I had an idea what we were both thinking. Skylar had said she wasn't sure if she wanted to stay alive, as she was dying. I still didn't know meant, I hadn't asked Ashton. I was almost certain that I never would, though I wasn't sure if it was because for once, I didn't want to know, or if it was because I didn't want to risk the chance of hurting Ashton by asking.

"It's not fair," Ashton said suddenly, a harsh, bitter edge in his tone. "It shouldn't have been Skylar. She wasn't involved in any of this."

Skylar had always been the one who Vanessa had targeted to send a warning to Ashton, though she had never gotten involved herself, not like Jacen, or Keira or even Nathan. He was right there. "Bad things happen," I replied softly. "Even to people who don't deserve it."

"I should've been able to save her," he whispered, his voice cracking.

"It's not your fault," I told him.

"I started all of this."

I gripped my comforter tightly my hand that wasn't clutching the phone. "Don't, Ashton. Don't think about it like that. Don't go down this road."

Hypocrite.

I ignored the thought.

"Detective Fallon killed her. It's on him, not you," I continued.

"She's not supposed to be dead!" Ashton cried. "She can't be dead."

My heart broke.

"Everyone keeps saying it's going to be okay, but it's not. My best friend is dead!" His breath caught. "They keep watching, waiting for me to break down and cry."

"You're allowed to cry, Ashton," I said. "No one's going to thinking anything less of you if you do."

"It's not that," he replied quietly. "It hasn't sunk in yet- it's like if I don't cry, I'll wake up and it'll just be a dream."

Take care of him, Elena.

The promise I had made Skylar kept repeating in my head as I listened to Ashton Sinclair break down over the phone, wishing with all my heart that I could do something more than whisper the occasional reassurance.