Ethan's POV
"I'll be back later." I told Grayson as I put on my shoes and grabbed my car keys.
"Where are you going?" He asked.
"Does it really matter to you?" I asked, about to go out the front door.
"Are you going to see Lexi?" He asked, and I sighed.
"Yes." I answered, stepping outside and closing the door behind me. I walked to my car and got in, then realized I hadn't even thought about what I was gonna say. I started the car and drove over to Lexi's which didn't take long. I feel like an asshole- the night of the fight was a month and a half ago. I parked across the street and got out of the car. I took a deep breath in before knocking on the front door.
"Oh, hi... Ethan." Lexi's mom answered the door. I was surprised when she answered, as it was Friday and I thought she'd be at work still.
"Hi. Is Lexi home?" I asked.
"Yeah, come on in." She said, opening the door wider, as I stepped inside the house. The house I haven't been to for a month and a half.
"She's in her room." She smiled at me. I nodded, before taking my shoes off and walking up the stairs. I walked to her closed bedroom door and knocked quietly.
"Come in." She said. I opened the door and we made eye contact almost immediately. She was sitting on her bed, homework sprawled out around her. She had a look on her face that I couldn't quite figure out.
"What are you doing here?" She asked. I walked over to her desk and sat down at the chair.
"What do you think I'm doing here?" I asked, as there's no way she couldn't figure it out. She sighed before closing the textbook that was on her lap. She opened her mouth to say something but before she could her mom interrupted.
"Lexi, hun, can I talk to you?" She called from downstairs. She got up without saying a word and walked out of the room. I looked at her room and it still looked the same, but notes we would write to each other in leadership were missing from her bulletin board. I looked at her desk, and folded up pieces of papers caught my eye crammed in the row of books on her desk.. Curiosity got the best of me and I pulled it out from in between two Harry Potter books. I unfolded it to find out that it was actually multiple pieces of notebook paper stapled together. The first line read "Dear Ethan".
I shouldn't read this... it might be really important, but how can you not read something that's addressed to you?
"Dear Ethan,
First of all, the start of June will mark 6 months of you and me. Of you and me being the bestest, closest of friends. That's 182.5 days. Only 182.5 more until that's a year."
Maybe I really shouldn't be reading this. I could hear Lexi and her moms muffled voices from downstairs. My eyes reluctantly traveled back to the paper.
"I remember that first day when I walked into the office and I thought, 'so he's the new kid. he's pretty cute' but I obviously didn't want you to know that. I never thought then that you would have such an impact on my life from there. All throughout that first week of you being here, before we really started to become close, I would see those girls talking to you and I admit it, I got jealous. A week after that, we were really close, and I could confidently call you one of my friends. A close friend. When Spencer totally rubbed it in my face on Valentine's day that he was going with Tatum, I immediately felt broken inside. But you invited me out for dinner. A 'date'. I thought it would be awkward since we're best friends. Sorry, we *were* best friends."
I felt a knot in my stomach when I read that. We 'were' best friends. As in not anymore? I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, so I quickly folded up the papers and shoved them back where they came from. I picked up my phone to make it look like I was on it the whole time. Lexi stopped in the doorway seconds later.
"I have to go pick up Ryan, he stayed after school. Do you wanna come?" She asked unenthusiastically.
"Uh, I'll just wait here." I said, wanting to read the rest of that letter, as selfish as that sounds.
"Ok. I'll be back." She quietly said, grabbing her car keys from her dresser and leaving. I waited until I heard the front door close before I grabbed the letter and unfolded it, continuing where I left off.
"I was nervous for that night, from the minute you asked me until right when you picked me up. It was the best date I'd ever been on. I was happy for days just because of that date you took me on. That's how great it was Ethan."
I subconsciously smiled.
"I never knew that I had real feelings until that kiss. The days that came after were some of the best days. Whether you skipped school to come hang and eat McDonalds, or just simply spending time together, it always made me happy. The past few weeks that we've grown distant, I've felt so shitty. Wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, sleep, and repeat. Madisyn has given me some space but we're still good friends."
This letter is at least a month old, and has just been sitting on her desk. I knew that I messed up, but didn't realize I messed up this bad.
"I know you were drunk, but you weren't drunk enough to randomly kiss some girl. An attractive girl too. You were stupid, Ethan. And the fight on the way to the parking lot only made it worse. I cried all that night and barely got any sleep, because I could only think of you. I thought we had something but that night that thought got completely destroyed. Just a few days ago, I thought I was completely and utterly over you. I was wrong."
"You're just too damn perfect and it drives me insane. I hate that I want to replay all the songs that remind me of you. There's so many things I like about you and I hate that. Like what you ask? Your eyes and how they have that little sparkle, and how I get lost in them without even realizing it. Your voice. That stupid smirk that's on your face more often than it should be. Your smile and the way that those dimples always seem to appear. Your laugh- the genuine one. When you only wear your sweatpants because you're so confident. Obviously your sense of humor. And most of all, the expression on your face when you hear my name."
"I hate that I still love you and I guess I miss you, Ethan Dolan."
I heard the front door close and then footsteps coming upstairs, but I couldn't move. I couldn't just put those papers back. Lexi was about to walk into the room when she stopped at the doorway.
"Ethan, you weren't supposed to see that. Ever." She said quietly. I looked at her and swallowed the lump that was building in my throat. She was biting her lip and looked as if she was about to cry. I set the papers down on the desk.
"Can I have my Lexi back?" I asked her. She nodded, and I stood up, holding my arms out as she practically collided into me. I held her tightly, running one of my hands through her hair.
"I love you too." I whispered, gently placing a kiss on her forehead.
---A/N---
<3 l o v e <3
I think out of all 14 chapters so far, this is my favorite. <3
also, fun fact! I didn't just come up with this letter for the chapter, it was based off and inspired by a SIX PAGE letter I wrote to/about an old crush that has been sitting in my room for a long time now and I thought I might as well put it to good use.
lexi
