just a dream (camren)

thirty nine

"So... we just have to sleep together?" Camila frowns. "Because I don't know if-"

"No, no," Lauren laughs, shaking her head, "there needs to be something significant. Maybe between us, or maybe just... to you. Dinah told me she remembered because you kissed me. What if it's about us? Bringing us back together again... I always thought that it was more about our friendships. But maybe it's always been about us. Because we're... we're soulmates. But at the state our friendship was in, maybe in that universe, we were destined to stay apart. Maybe we needed to come here to realise how much we need each other."

Camila just hums, resting her head on Lauren's dressing table and staring down at an eyeliner pencil. "What if... what if you're not actually here? What if none of you are actually here, and it's just some elaborate nightmare I'm having? I'll wake up and you'll still hate me."

"No, Camz," Lauren shakes her head, "first, I've never hated you. Second, I swear I'm here. I was here before you, so I can be pretty certain that whatever this is, it's real and it's happening to all of us."

"But it's like... people in dreams don't know that they're just a figment of the dreamer's imagination." Camila points out, looking more and more terrified by the minute, and Lauren doesn't know how to get this ridiculous idea out of her girlfriend's head. "Maybe you just think you were here before because this is all just some fucked up dream. Maybe I have to choose between you guys and my solo career. Maybe it's always been about that. This whole thing could be about moving on from you. From Fifth Harmony."

"Camz," Lauren tries to play it cool to calm Camila down. "It's not that, okay? I know I'm here. I know Dinah's here. It won't be that."

"You're just saying that because you know how heartbreaking it would be for me to make that choice." Camila mutters, before she shakes her head and sighs. "We shouldn't be talking about this. We should be getting ready. It's your prom night and I'm not ruining it for you."

Lauren pulls Camila in for a soft kiss. "You could never. It's going to be perfect because I'm with you."

Camila sighs, looking over at her. "You don't have to say things like that."

"I know I don't have to," Lauren reaches over and takes Camila's hand, squeezing it. "I'm not just saying these things, Camz. I mean them. I know it's going to be hard for you to believe, because of how badly everything went the first time, but-"

"It's not even that," Camila interrupts her, biting down on her bottom lip. She looks down at her feet, but Lauren can see the tears brimming in her eyes. "It's like... all of my old insecurities are suddenly back full force. I know I've gotten over them once, and when I try to tell myself that, it's like it makes my worries even worse. I've got this huge disbelief in my head that someone like you, so popular and confident and pretty, could never like someone like me."

Lauren squeezes Camila's hand again. "Camz, you realise you're more popular than me, right? In the group? Honestly, one of the things that scared me away from you were some of the fans saying that I didn't deserve you. That I was a bitch and I wouldn't treat you the way you deserved, and I genuinely started to believe them."

"It's not like that, though," Camila shakes her head, "not here. This version of me, she's so awkward and unpopular and lonely and sad and I don't want to become that. I can't. You don't know how hard it was for me to get over all of my insecurities the first time."

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip and lets out a sigh. "Look, I'll be here for you. Even if you try to be self-deprecating, I'll be there to tell you the truth. To tell you that you're the most beautiful girl on the planet."