50 shades of Red (gumshall/ Gumlee fanfic)

Rossa Corsa or the color of blood

Marshall piont of view for this chapter! Finailly i was able to update. It has mentions of self harm and abuse so for warned. I am really happy people like this fanfic! Even though i know it doesn't have the sex scene yet (Let me tell you it's comming and i plan ono making it the best damn sex scene this ship has ever seen). I made this chapter extra long to celebrate my 155 followers and over two thousand votes on my profle! You guys rock like a solid.

i didn’t think Gumball saw me standing there in the kitchen. No, he was too busy crying because of me, holding on to Anthony. As I saw Gumball cry, I had to resist the urge to go out there myself and hold him. Unfortunately, I no longer had the privilege to do that. Tears started to roll down my face and I stepped away from the patio sliding door. I sat crisscrossed on kitchen counter with my head in my hands. 

I knew i deserved it, glob right i did, but it didn’t change the fact that it hurt. It hurt so bad. I messed us up, more importantly I messed Gumball up. I wanted to tell Gumball the truth. The truth about how Ashley had spiked the one drink i had with ecstasy pills, and if Gumball had not given me that water that night, i might have been close to dead by now. Or how i did go to Ashley’s house and tried to leave right after she wanted to get back together. She stopped me from leaving by threatening she would kill herself if i didn't agree. She ranted about how I belonged with her ,and if she could not have me then there was no point in living anymore. It frightened me, having that responsibility in my hands. If she died it would have been all my fault and then i would have ruined two peoples live that I had been in relationship with that same night. I just couldn't do that. So i agreed and as soon as I got well enough to back to my own house near five o'clock in the morning i did. I was so angry with myself. I didn't know what to do. So I threw all of my dishes against the wall breakinig them in to pieces then gripped my hair and cried on the kitchen floor. I know pathetic. ..

I need to make Ashley and me work for the sake of my own soul and slightly for hers.  That way i can prove to myself that I can be considerate, caring, understanding, and the rational one in a relationship. That way I can believe that i am a better person and a better man than i was the night. The kind of lover that would not lay his hands on the person he loved. Too bad i feel that i don’t know how to do that or if what i am doing is enough. Too bad that I feel sick of myself now. It’s true, I am disgusting.

Even when I was talking to Gumball on the phone, i sounded like such a damn jerk. I was just worried that Anthony might have been a bad person, you know. The one who might want to hurt Gumball like i did. Who was I kidding. The real reason I wanted to talk to him was to hear his voice. I just really liked the way he said my name. I really do. he always accents the last ‘a’ and the two ‘L’s ever so slightly in that sweet voice of his. It sends shivers down my spine. How selfish was I? I was even jealous of Anthony, even though i knew he is making Gumball happy. The only one that is making Gumball unhappy now is me, and that truth haunts me. I’d rather Gumball hate me than love me right now. Gumball has suffered because of loving me for too long. I think it’s time for me to  suffer a little instead.

I wiped away my tears before Ashley barged into the kitchen with two of her friends, Lolly Popper and Cream Puff. I really don’t want to be around other life forms period.

“There you are! I was looking all over for you. Didn’t you get my texts?” She siad in a vioce all too chipper. You mean the twenty you sent me in the last five minutes?

“No... i didn’t. My phone must have been on silent,” I stuffed one hand in my pocket and the other hand i locked with hers.

“Next time you get a text from me, you better fucking respond. I don’t care what time it is. You hear me?!” Ashley was yelling at me. I could smell that she had some kind of fruity alcoholic drink, her breath reeked. I knew then it was going to be a long night.