Smash Into You

Chapter 29: ILYSB

I held her in the rain for as long as she wanted me to. I didn't budge, didn't shift, didn't tug her along inside. I stood there, slowly becoming soaked, as she clung to me crying. The whole time I pressed her closer into me, resting my cheek on her head as she buried herself into my wet shirt.

Her body shook with every sob. The fingers that held on to me twitched and dug into my skin with every breath. Maybe my words truly hurt her. Maybe she truly believed for a moment I wouldn't turn around and stay. As she stood there in the rain, shouting after me, maybe she believed she was losing me with every step I took towards my car.

I wonder if that was what I was portraying with my actions? Was I slowly showing her that I had given up on her? If so, if she found that out in the moments of my despair and her pleads, that deep down I wish she allowed me to leave. If she had, I would be able to think properly and level with myself on what to do next. If she had, then I could have held my secret to the grave and there would be no more trouble for the both of us.

Because in the end, if she had allowed me to go, I would have come back the next day with the same smile and laugh, finally accepting that this is what we forever are going to be and I couldn't change that.

But since she begged, since she fought back, I was here and I think tonight would be the last night I got to hold on to my secret. Tonight was the night everything would just fall apart.

Her nails dug into my skin as she clung harder into me. With a sympathetic frown, I held her closer and mumbled, "Stop crying, I'm here aren't I? You got me to stay."

"You were going to leave me," She murmured with another sob, pulling me as much as she could into her, "You were going to leave me here alone."

I sighed, squeezing her lightly before replying softly, "But you got me to stay..."

Her head shifted under my cheek. She buried her face into my shirt for a moment before dragging herself to my neck, her rain soaked lips grazing against my skin. Jaw stiff as I tried to remain calm, I allowed my arms to fall to her waist and wrap around her securely. This gave her room to wrap her arms around my neck, pulling up to nuzzle into me more as she jumped with another hic.

Pressing her closer into me, I sighed again, desperate to get her to stop crying. Bringing my hand to the back of her head, I pulled her face closer as she nuzzled and mumbled, "Lo it's alright. Honestly, I'm not going anywhere, I never was."

"You were going to leave me to go to her even though I begged," She said shakily, squeezing me as she thought about it, "You were going to her even though I was pleading for you to stay with me."

I shook my head, closing my eyes, as I assured, "Baby no, if anything I was simply going home. I wouldn't have done that to you, I wouldn't have left you for her."

"But you have," She replied, her lips moving against my neck as she spoke, "You have been and you were going to again."

I grew rigid at her words, and with another tight squeeze I said miserably, "I'm sorry but I wasn't– I promise I wasn't going to her tonight. Not tonight.... Not this time..."

She trembled as she tightened her hold on me and whispered, "So you're mine? You aren't leaving me for her, so tonight you're all mine?"

With a sad smile, I nodded and assured softly, "Yeah, tonight I am all yours."

I felt her bite her lip as she nodded, nose brushing across my neck. With a shaky breath, she loosened her hold and mumbled, "Maybe we should go inside."

"Good idea," I answered softly as I pulled away from her carefully. She was resistant at first, but with a reassuring squeeze she eventually allowed her arms to fall from my neck. Her eyes were on the ground as she brought her hands to her arms, holding herself loosely as the rain ran down her face while she continued to cry.