just a dream (camren)

thirty seven

Camila laughs a little. "Hi."

"Yeah. Hey." Lauren repeats, dumbstruck and trying to remember how to function as an actual human being. "You look perfect. You are perfect. Are you... ready to go?"

Camila blushes and bites down on her bottom lip, not meeting Lauren's gaze. "Yeah, I just... can't believe this is happening. That you're my girlfriend."

After a few moments the words register, and Lauren's heart drops. Had Camila forgotten? "Um, Camz? Fifth Harmony."

Camila blinks in confusion for a second, and seems to snap back into reality. "Oh, yeah, of course. You're Fifth Harmony Lauren. I'm Fifth Harmony Camila. Well... not anymore. Because I left."

Lauren breathes out a small sigh of relief, even though she knows it's getting bad for Camila. She holds out her hand, and when Camila takes it, she beams. "Alright, come on. I promise I'm going to make you talk about whatever dumb stuff we did when we were actually seventeen, to keep you remembering."

"You forgot," Camila sullenly replies, following Lauren to the car. "No matter how much you reassured yourself. Maybe it's just an inevitability."

"Maybe it is," Lauren agrees with her, "but that doesn't mean you shouldn't at least try. But I was also alone the whole time. You have me, Lucy and Dinah. Besides... I remembered everything eventually. Maybe it'll be the same for you."

Camila just sighs, buckling herself in. "Was it like being trapped? Were you in there the whole time, but you couldn't do or say anything?"

"No. It wasn't like that." Lauren shakes her head, happy she can quell this fear, because it was one of hers. "It's like... falling asleep. I was like, vaguely aware of everything that was happening, but it was like a dream. Fuzzy and surreal. That's why I think I was influencing myself, why I think I was always me, since I was semi aware that there was something going on, but I didn't realise what."

"Oh... I guess that's not so bad." Camila sighs a little, shrugging. "I just don't want to have all of my big insecurities back. I don't want to go back to not being able to say more than two words to you."

"After all of this, I don't think that's going to happen," Lauren laughs, squeezing Camila's hand comfortingly. "Even though you won't remember why, surely you'll remember that you talked to me and nothing bad happened."

"I guess," Camila sighs dejectedly, "I'm just scared."

"I know. I've been there." Lauren says. "But you've got Dinah and I here. We'll do everything we can to help you and Lucy remember if you guys forget."

"When, at this point," Camila mumbles, "when. I don't even... I don't even remember some of the reasons I was so mad at you. I know you... you'd kiss me and then pretend like you didn't, and ignore me for weeks on end, and generally why I'm so mad, but it doesn't seem like... that bad suddenly? I don't know, this whole part of me wants to punch you, and then this other part of me feels so much for you, and I don't know which part to believe."

Lauren feels a little conflicted, because while she likes the idea of Camila forgetting that part, she knows it's hurting her. "I was scared and I fucked up. I didn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and I'm trying to make that right."

"But- but I never used to be... mad?" Camila frowns down at her feet, sighing. "It's like... from what I remember, when I got here... I never hated you, I- I missed you. And I always thought that if the timing wasn't so wrong, then you would've... you would've been good for me. But then I started dating the other you, and... I don't know. I guess I just had all of this resentment towards you because I saw the way she treated me."