I don't feel special...
I feel like a depressed freak..... who puts on a happy face.... but deep deep down.... I've never felt more alone....
I know I have friends... but it feels like in my head they aren't... idk.... like I feel no one really cares for me like it's not genuine to me even though they might be genuine.....
I feel like I'm just there......
There's nothing special about me.... I don't even like myself..... right now I can't find a single thing to like about me.....
I feel like it gets worse at night.... I have so much to worry about... how am I even suppose to enjoy life. I have so much anxiety and sadness......
I feel the need to beg for comments to have something to feel proud of.... and to feel liked...
It's so bad and it doesn't last... I get nervous when people don't comment and I message them to comment so I can feel good again.
fishing for compliments... I'm pathetic and it just seems sad.... but it's true.
I feel like a failure.... I can't do anything.... and I'm scared. I graduate this year.... that's if I even pass this school year... which is one thing that stresses me out.... then I have to go to college which is extremely hard says my mom... and I have to move out of the house this summer....
I feel like a slug that's addicted to my phone.... I've spent to much time on it. That's why my mom turns my apps off for my own good. I get stuff down that way.... it works... but it hurts and scares me that every time she gives me a chance to do work and have my phone I can't control it.
I get possessed and play on it for what I think it's a minutes but turns out to be hours.
I'm a loser... who has no self control....
I'm always in fear... I'm always disappointed in myself.....
I feel like a baby sending out another cry for help. I feel like I always do this to you guys.... so you guys can tell me it's ok and make me feel better.
And here I am doing it again....
To feel better.... that there's someone out there who cares slightly about me.
The demons inside my head tell me that no one likes me and no one cares and I'm not smart and I can't do and I believe it...
I would never kill myself. I'm telling you that. So don't be worried at all. I would never be able to through with it.
I'm grounded again... even though I have no D's my mom wants to turn my apps off till I have a B now... it's so hard with swim practice after school and balancing..... it's just.... hard.....
I'm sorry for being a sob story, I just wanted to get real and maybe you guys to PM me with advice cause I need it. I want to be happy....
Like I'm so pathetic like people have actual problems and I'm complaining this...
Btw I emailed this to myself and posted it from my computer so that is how I can still post chapters.
i wrote this lat night when things were getting hectic but i am feeling a lot better now this morning i just idk i still wanted to post it to see if anyone understood.
