The Only Reason [DISCONTINUED]

Chapter 14 Smiles, Heartbreaks and Strengths

                                           Dad decided to take us for the trip next week. At first I was reluctant, very reluctant, but I knew I have to go. And anyways, I needed some time off. And of course, my life couldn't sit down calmly without throwing lemons at my face. The night before leaving, I called up Diksha to inform her about my absence. I told her to tell the teachers that I'm not fine and asked what had happened in school today; I didn't go because why go school for just one day in the week?She told me about all the topics covered, and broke a shocking news which made me wanted to disappear right now. I had got only five marks in Chemistry test, out of fifty marks. This was totally unexpected as my exam was much better than getting these marks. I was expecting at least twenty, and this was it's one-fourth, forget about the extra marks she always cuts. This had me fearing my return from the trip. I thanked for the informations and hung up. How was I going to show my face to the class, who knew my horrible marks? I'd got the lowest. And what would I do in front of my chemistry teacher? This was the biggest concern. For one thing to be relieved about, I had never told any of my marks to my parents this year. They just got to know them in the report card, and till now, it had been pretty bad, compared to my status of being a scholar in last school. They always spared me, asking me to promise that I would better next time, knowing my ailment. Anyways, thinking about all these things wouldn't help in any way except depressing me more. I got up and started packing my things.

                                           We all got up very early in the morning and started getting everything ready. Everyone dressed up, our remaining things were packed up and the other stuff at home were covered up, and the bags were taken out to keep in the sedan we had hired. I looked up at one of their pictures and managed out a smile. I hope I can keep my promise, I mumbled. Running down so I'm not left at home alone, locked up for four days, I waved their picture bye as if they would know. Wish they did, I sighed. I was very happy to get to sit alone behind, knowing I would be getting the isolation I was craving for. The drive was smooth and quite, with George dozing off as soon as our ride started and dad, mom and me looking out of the window. It felt quiet peaceful like this. Slowly I fell asleep too.

                                           When my eyes opened, I found our car parked in front of a restaurant. Even though I had no wish to go there, I had to, we were going to have our lunch which if I missed, I would have to be hungry until we get dinner at don't know what time. I couldn't miss this. I tried to comb my messy curly hair with my fingers and jumped off with mum moving the seat off my way. We all again were on the road as soon as we were done. And this is how I started to expect this trip to be. I asked for the cell phone and earphones, and put on some music. The only way to keep me stable right now was music. The trip was going good, but I felt bored with the silence. So One Direction helped me here again. But the thought of my marks was still lurking on my mind. I wondered if I had anything sharp with me, but instantly slapped myself mentally for this stupid thought. How could i break my promise made to them?

                                            It was night and we had checked into a hotel. Me and mom were going to share a room. That was good as mom wouldn't be chattering all night without letting me even blink. That would have been the case if I had to share a room with George. I slipped into some comfortable clothes and we both went to bed. I turned towards the other side so that mom couldn't see me. I waited for mom to sleep and then my will power comitted suicide. Tears started flooding my eyes and my body was burning. I checked out my nails and started scraping my forearm. Of course it was burning, but it was in no way bigger than the worry inside my head. The rest of the days of the small tour went well, with some good family time and smiles lighting up my face, which was a little surprising as I hadn't smiled for quite some time now. Besides that, my self-harmings sessions continued, for which I just wanted to jump off a cliff. At one place, there were some rose bushes from where I plucked a thorn to....you know what. All the way back to our hotel, I pulled up my sleeve seeing the right time to not get caught and used the thorn till it broke. I was tired of myself now, and of my shitty life. The last day of our trip had arrived and the knot in my stomach was tightening each and every moment. My heart wrenched at the feeling of facing all those people. These four days were refreshing, giving me time for self introspection, but the guillotine was still hanging above my head. The day- well, night we reached home, I walked up to their picture on my cupboard, apologetic for my behaviour.

"I'm sorry. Sorry for breaking my promise, for doing all this again", I whispered. "Well I'm not sure enough if I can keep it around this time, but I'll definitely try. I promise you again to never harm myself. Again. Sorry."

And as if to forgive me and give me another chance, the guitar notes of WMYB floated into my ears. George shouted from downstairs, "J it's your boys on the TV". I smiled, because of the perfect timing, and because he said 'your boys'. That is one thing that makes us so much proud. Even after all this success, they are still so down to earth. They are still our boys. I went downstairs and found George already singing it. So me & him sang the rest of it on the top of our voices.

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Guys Ik I'm torturing you with my boring story. I hardly get time to update (school -.-) and when I write, it's all in a hurry. So I'm really very sorry. But I'm surely gonna try to make it better ahead (that ahead might be a bit later though). Till then, keep reading, voting and sharing. Love y'all, stay strong and fab.