The Only Reason [DISCONTINUED]

Chapter 4 Cuts

                                   I ran upstairs and whammed the door, then I quickly brushed my teeth; cleanliness is important. That rage, that anger, I could feel it rushing through my veins. I was feeling so insane; if someone saw me right now, that person would definitely send me to a mental hospital. I was pulling my hair, throwing my things here and there. It looked like as if I'm on drugs. I crazily shuffled through my closet's drawers, but in vain. Then I searched my study table, and finally found it. My long time companion - my blade.

                                   I pulled up the sleeve of my grey t-shirt and the rest of the work was done by the sharp steel edge. I squeezed my eyes shut in pain as the metal worked it's way through my skin. Not exactly pain - it was a burning sensation. As if fire was lighted on my cuts. But to those thinking this is totally dumb, and it won't help in anyway - words hurt more than knives. And doing this gives me relief. It makes me feel better.

                                    I went into the bathroom and washed the blade, then kept it back at it's place. Looking at own self scared me, so firstly I combed my hair. Then I set up the whole room back as it was, and played some music on my laptop -  my best friend. Obviously I played One Direction; I felt much better now. I sat on my bed, by the window, looking out at the children play.

Little Things. Niall. His solo.

                                     I found Niall sitting at the other end of the bed. His face looked dull, but he still smiled, as always. I quietly pulled down the sleeve of my t-shirt behind my back, and smiled back sheepishly.

"Your t-shirt will get blood stains", he said in a very relaxed  tone.

"W-w-what? H-h-how?" God how does he know that?

"From your cuts", still chilled, as if nothing happened.

"W-which cuts?"

"The cuts on your arms", he said through his gritted teeth this time. "The cuts you could have avoided. The cuts instead of which you could have just called me". His voice got louder and louder until the end, where he broke down into tears.

                                    I moved up to him, took his hands in mine and managed out a small sorry. He gave a nod in response. It was so painful to see him cry. I wiped off his tears and he pulled me in for a hug; I hugged him back (of course I would). The embrace seemed to last forever. But the moment my mind reminded my heart that he's not real, he was gone. My Nialler was gone. I was hugging nothing. I quickly pulled myself up, it's weird to see yourself hanging in the air like that.

This is why I never support mind over heart.

I went and sat back at my place, hugging my knees tightly.

                                      Don't know how long passed like this, I didn't move. It was like water for me now - never going out, sitting in one place not moving, being hated, etc. Sigh. Someone knocked at the door - probably mom, no one else comes at my door. Even if someone did - it would be George - he wouldn't knock I guess.

"Hun we are going out, you want to come?" Mom asked.

Sure, I'd love to, only if dad doesn't kick me out with his words, I thought. "No mom, you go." I replied sorely.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." No, absolutely no.

"Will you come and shut the door or should we lock it from outside?"

Nigga hell, I'm coming. "I'll close it." I said as I got up, while making sure my cuts were hidden and there was no blood on the sleeves.

                                      I felt so good when I opened the door. The love and concern on mom's face and in her eyes.....it just made me go awwww. I couldn't keep myself from hugging her. She hugged me back.

"I love you mom", I murmured.

"I love you too sweety", her tears wetted my shoulder.

"Okay, now stop crying. You'll get late, then dad will scold me again", I joked, but we both knew this wasn't a joke in anyway. I pulled back and wiped her tears. She laughed, and it made her look so much more beautiful. We went downstairs happily holding hands, until I saw dad standing with George waiting for mom. I quietly left mom's hand and stepped back.

"We'll be having our dinner outside and we'll bring something for you. So what do you want for dinner?" Mom asked.

"Um.... I'll cook something."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah mom."

She started digging in her purse. "Take this money. Order a pizza or something, okay? Take care, bye", she smiled.

"Bye." I waved at her.

I shut the door as they left and went upstairs to my room.