Until My Last Breath

Chapter 85

„Honey..." Shawn sighs, his hand finding my cheek with his right hand to softly stroke over my cheek bone. "I'm going to stay and watch you choose between me and her because exactly the one thing I was scared of happened."

„What do you mean?" Shawn asks, holding my waist firmly so I can't escape. "We both fell for each other but I'm the only one who is still falling without any chance to stop it. Helplessly waiting for you to either catch me or let me hit the hard floor." I reply, the salty taste of my tears lingering on the corners of my mouth as I look into his hazel eyes once more before standing up and heading inside.

Shawn's POV:
I watch as she disappears through the glass door, wiping her tears away with the sleeve of her hoodie. What have I done? I promised not to hurt her and I swear I never intended to. But how should I have known that I would hear from Mia ever again?

It was just so unexpected that it feels like the past is catching up with me. I feel horrible for acting like that towards her, the past weeks.

She doesn't deserve something like that but I... I didn't know what to do. I still don't. So many questions run trough my mind that my head literally starts to hurt. Is she going to stay or was that our break up?

Should I meet with Mia or would it just destroy everything even more? What if I realize that I... still have feelings for her? But... I love Rose. God, why couldn't she just stay wherever she was!

Rose and I had like the perfect relationship and I may have ruined it... I keep hurting her and I hate myself for that. She looked so scared but there's nothing I can do to make her feel save at the moment.

Groaning, I put my head into my hands, frustratedly rubbing my temples. What am I supposed to do?

„Shawn?" I hear the voice of my best friend ask. Sighing, I look up to see him sitting next to me in another chair. I have not been the nicest to him either. „It's her isn't it?" He questions, a knowing look on his face so I just nod. „For how long do you know?"

„I knew it as soon as you started acting weird because I have only seen you like that once and that was three years ago." „I'm sorry." I say. „It's okey Shawn. I get that it's not easy but are you really having doubts about Rose now?" He questions.

I shrug, exhaling deeply as I lean back. „I don't have doubts... I just... you know, back then I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with Mia. I was so in love with her or at least I believed it.

After she left, I never thought about being in loving someone again and then out of nowhere Rose appeared and made me feel... like the 16 year old teenage boy that was head over heels in love with his crush.

I'm just afraid that if I see Mia, that I do something that I maybe regret later but I would also like to just talk to her one more time. To make the closure we never had." I reply. Geoff just nods, moving to watch the sun disappear behind the hills of California.

For a little while it's silent between us, making me overthink everything. I actually thought he would tell me what to do like he always did, when I f*cked up. „Do you think it's a bad idea? To meet up with her, I mean."

„Shawn, I would love to tell you what's right but I can't tell you who to be with or who to have feelings for. I guess, if you are not sure then you should find out."

„But no matter what I do it would hurt Rose. If I don't talk to Mia she would be hurt about me doubting my love for her and if I do talk with Mia, she would be hurt
aswell."

„So you are doubting your love for her?"

„Geoff." I grumble, sinking deepening into the chair. „I'm just saying what you say." He comments, looking over to me. „I didn't mean it like that..." I murmur. „I don't know what I want! I just... I promised not to hurt her." I say, standing up to walk a fee steps.

Closing my eyes, I lay my hands behind my neck. „Look, I don't mean to be negative but Rose is already hurt. Or why do you think she is probably crying right now? Find out what you really want Shawn. It's unfair to lead her on even more if you maybe decide to be with someone else.

She doesn't deserve that so if it helps you to figure out your feelings, then meet up with Mia. For now, get some rest buddy. You look horrible." Geoff says sending me a reassuring smile while patting my shoulder before he heads inside again.

Nodding, I avert my eyes back to the sunset. He's right, I haven't slept more than three hours a night the past weeks. I will get some sleep now and think about it tomorrow. Sighing heavily, I head up to our room.

My heart aches as I see Rose curled up on my side of the bed, her petite arms wrapped around my pillow. Quietly I walk over to her, kneeling down in front of the edge of the bed to stroke some hair strands, that have fallen into her beautiful face, carefully away.

Her cute nose crunches up and she stirred a bit in her sleep, so I pull my hand back. After admiring her a bit longer I decide that it's better if I sleep in another room. ‚Don't lead her on' Echos trough my head, as I lay down on the cold sheets in the room next door.

Her warmth already missing. Still, I stay here, trying to shut all my thoughts out so I can finally fall asleep.

It's crazy how fast everything can change from the best time of your life to the worst.