Until My Last Breath

Chapter 75

While we walk down the street in my neighborhood, I could feel a wave of electricity run trough my body as his warm hand touches mine slightly due the fact that we are walking together pretty near. I can't help myself but intertwine our fingers.

The save feeling soothes me and I glance up to see him smiling. After we walked a bit further into the forest we come to a small place without trees and two benches in front of a little lake.

The sun shining beautifully onto the the calm water in front of us as we sit down on one of the wooden benches.

I guess it's just a better atmosphere to tell him here than to tell him at home. „Rose, I really don't want to pressure you but could you please tell me what's up? You are making me incredibly nervous." Shawn speaks up after a while of silence between us.

I nod, turning a bit more towards him so I could see his face better. „Remember when you said that you would never let something happen to the person you love, like that what happened with you ex girlfriend?"

"Yeah, why?" he asks, puzzled. „What if you were in the same or similar situation again? Would you... want to leave that person this time before it gets worse?" I question , trying to keep my voice from shaking.

"What do you mean Rose?" I sigh, looking onto the floor before I meet his eyes again. „Just answer." „I wouldn't... I mean, if I love that person, then no of course not. I would do anything to prevent it from getting that far."

"What if no matter what you do, it would still be impossible to prevent?" I ask, quietly.

„Why are you asking me that? You aren't-." Shawn stops in the middle of his sentence and I could see how he suddenly seems to realize something. „Rose..." he says, his hands cupping my cheeks gently.

"It's going to be okey. Depression is something that can be cured and-." „I'm not talking about that." I chuckle drily, a tear slipping down my cheek. God, I actually said that I won't cry. „What?"

"I'm dying, Shawn and that's something you won't be able to prevent no matter what you do." I say, my voice sounding like I don't feel anything while saying this.

Actually, I feel empty and at the same time I feel every other emotion. It's hard to describe but the only thing I know is that I can feel my
heart break as I see the look on Shawn's face.

His hands fall from my cheeks, my skin instantly missing his contact. I quickly turn my head to the side, so I don't have to look into his eyes anymore.

Moments, terribly slow moments, we sit there while not a single word leaves his mouth. I would rather have him shouting at me why I didn't tell him sooner than to keep waiting in this suffocating silence.

Suddenly. I don't feel Shawn's presence besides me anymore, making me think he left but as I open my eyes I'm met with his glossy ones. He kneels in front of me and takes my hands in his own.

"What do you mean? I swear if this is a joke-" "I wouldn't joke about that, Shawn." I automatically snap, not intending to but it just slipped out. "Sorry." I mumble, letting go of one of his hands to give him the paper with my diagnosis.

I watch while his eyes read over the short but life changing lines over and over again. The paper shaking in his right hand. "Since when do you-" he says but stops as his voice threatens to crack.

"For how long do you know this?" Shawn asks. I sigh, brushing the curls out of his forehead. "Rose, for how long do you know?" Shawn repeats, holding onto my wrist as I was about to lay my hand back in my lap.

My heartbeat quickens as I feel his strong grip. That's exactly the reaction I was afraid of. "Rose."

"I knew it already before I even met you, okey? But at that time I thought I will be fine with my medicine for a long time but it got so much worse the past three months-" a sob leaves my lips, as I hide my face in my hands.

"That's why you fell unconscious back then right? Where you in the hospital before I came here too? Is that why you didn't come to my hotel?" He questions, standing up.

"Yes, yes and... do you want me to be honest?" "Honest? Like you were the past months." Shawn asks chuckling. "I don't know if I would have come! But I decided to try to forgive you because I f*cking don't know how long I really have left."

"I can't believe you." Shawn huffs, running a hand trough his hair frustratedly. "Never thought about telling me sooner, huh?"

"I know, I should have but I was scared exactly from this! That you wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore! So it would have changed something for you, if I told you sooner?" I question, tears threatening to spill as he takes steps away from me.

"I..." he mumbles, shaking his head. "I have to go." He says, glancing at me one more time before he turns around.

My heart is about to shatter as I see that he's has no intention to stop.

"If you leave now, you don't even need to think about coming back into my life ever again!" I call out, kneeling down onto the ground because I can't seem to stand on my feet anymore.