Until My Last Breath

Chapter 71

„Please keep in mind that I only did that for you Rose." I hear him say. Without turning back I hurry back to the car, sitting into the passenger. „Sorry about that." I say, taking my soaked jacket off.

„I was just about to look for you. Why didn't you come back as it started to rain dumbass." Carter scolds me jokingly as he tosses a dry hoodie onto me. „Thanks." I mumble, trying to avoid the subject.

„What?" I ask after putting on the hoodie, noticing that he still didn't start the engine.

„Did something happen?" he asks, suspiciously. Letting out a deep breath, I lean my head back, keeping my eyes out of the window. „Shawn was there." „You didn't call him earlier?" Carter questions, raising his eyebrow.

I shake my head, my fingers fumbling with the hem of the way too big but comfortable hoodie. „So what did he say?" Carter asks, after a few silent moments while driving back to his place. „He explained to me why my brother just disappeared out of my life." I murmur, sinking further into the seat.

„What, really? Why?" „Remember when I told you once that he did that stupid little drug deal thing back in high school?" Carter nods, his eyebrows furrowing as he pieces everything together.

„Well, it's not little anymore... the accident wasn't just an accident. It should purposely kill us but since Nathan and I survived, he left so whoever wants something from him doesn't ho after me." I explain, tears brimming in my eyes as I think back of that night.

I cried for days after I noticed that my brother was gone. My world was crumbling down and I wished nothing else more than to have him by my side.

Now I finally found him but I don't know how to feel about it anymore. „So you know where he is?" „Yeah well I saw him like an hour ago. So I guess he is here somewhere." I shrug, wiping the tears away before they could fall but they don't stop once again.

„Hey, Rose why are you crying? That's great isn't it? Now you know the reason and you know where he is." Carter smiles as we come to a stop in front of his house. „Great?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at him.

„It's not?" he questions, puzzled. „You think that was a good reason to hide from me for two f*cking years without a single message." „No Rose-." „Just leave it. You won't understand it anyways." I sigh, climbing out of the car before I start a real fight.

I should be happy that he lets me stay. I quickly head towards the front door and unlock it with the spare key which is under the flower pot next to the three stone stairs.

„Could you please wait? I didn't mean to..." Carter calls after me as I disappear into the guest room where my clothes are to change. I tie my still slightly wet hair in a bun and sit down onto the bed.

After pulling my legs towards me I let my head fall onto my knees, frustratedly digging my nails into the skin off my arms. I'm so damn tired...

A few moments later I hear a soft knock on the door. I whisper a quiet ‚com in' and the door opens eventually. I lift my head, watching as Carter comes trough the door with a guilty look on his face.

He carefully sits down next to me and was about to open his mouth as I cut him off.

„Don't say it. You have no reason to be sorry. I should be sorry because I'm only here a few hours and changed my mood like a hundredth times.

It's just that one moment I could just cry and never come out of bed again and the other moment I want to destroy everything that comes into my fingers while screaming my lungs out. I don't know what to do anymore." I say, resting my pounding head on my arms which are folded over my knees.

„I get that and you don't have to be sorry either. Everyone in a situation like yours would react like this. Look, it's totally right that it is horrible to leave just like that for two years. But it was to make sure that you don't get hurt.

If I was you I would be mad too but you searched him for so long and now you have the chance to talk to him. Do you really wanna miss this chance?" Carter asks, soothingly running his hand over my back. Letting out a sigh, I roll my eyes.

„Why do you always have to be right?" I mutter. „Well, someone has to look after your stubborn head." Carter chuckles, jokingly ruffling my hair.

A small smile creeps onto my lips but it soon faded as I think about earlier. „It still hurts that not even Shawn told me about it. How can you just hide something like that? He could have explained to me but he didn't!" "Yeah and that was wrong of him.

I'm not just saying that because I wish you would just hate him again." He mumbles the last part but I could still hear it. Guilt washing over me as I notice that I'm talking about my boyfriend with the boy who loves me but I just need someone right now.

„Carter-" "Hey, no, no. I didn't say that to make you feel worse. So tell me, what did you two talk about?" I shift a bit to turn more towards Carter, my hands laying in my lap as I stare at them.

"Well, like I told you he explained that to me and well... tomorrow he has to leave for tour again." I say, shrugging my shoulders. "Oh... are you coming with him?" Carter asks, disappointed lacing trough his voice.

„I..." I start but stop because I don't know what to say. "I don't know... I just don't know if I can stand being near him everyday at the moment. I don't even know if I can forgive him certainly not until tomorrow. I think..."

A groan escapes my throat as I rub over my face with my hands. It feels like my head is exploding from so many thoughts and questions. "What should I do?" I ask, quietly.

"Come here." Carter whispers, pulling me close so he could wrap his arms around me. I immediately feel mor comfortable and the tension in my body seems to loosen up.

„Rose, I cannot make this decision for you.  You know what? You are going to sleep now and tomorrow you will think about it while I make you your favourite breakfast. Sounds good?" He questions, pulling back to look at me.

I nod before crawling under the covers, my head meeting the soft fabric of the pillow.
„Just come to me when you need something okey? Goodnight Rose." He says, leaning down to kiss my forehead.

I mumble back a 'goodnight' as my eyes flutter close. I will decide tomorrow... maybe I have a clearer head then...

During an hour of tossing and turning around I decided to do the one thing I can't get out of my head anymore. I grab my phone, quickly dialing his number.

After the second ring his voice already rings trough my ears. "Rose? Hey." Shawn says sounding rather surprising. "Yeah hey. Sorry if I woke you up but I need the number if my brother." I say, playing with the end of the duvet.

„Oh." He just answers. That probably wasn't the reason for my call, he was expecting. "Please Shawn." "Uh... of course. I'll text you the number." He replies. "Alright thanks." I nod, an weird silence overcoming us as neither of us haven't hung up yet.

„Rose?" "Huh?" "Do you want to... go out for lunch or something tomorrow? I know this little restaurant I'm sure you would-"

„Shawn please, just because two have passed doesn't mean I changed my mind. I'll come to the hotel or call you if I know my answer. I'm sorry, goodnight." I say, giving him no chance to reply as I end the call.

Seconds later I receive the message with the number and I immediately text him so I don't back down again. I ask him if we could meet even tonight I still don't know what I'm gonna say but I have to say something.
.
Nathan: Hey Rosie, I'm glad you texted. Let's meet at your fav coffee shop around 2 pm?
You: Sure.
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My heart stings a little as I read the nickname. "It will be fine..." I murmur as I wrap myself in the sheet and finally close my eyes with a slightly less troubled mind.