Running Stitches

Brittle Grass

On any day
During my daily tasks
I'm confident and glow with radiance and sass
But when I step through doors that once held promise
There are you
I tense up on the way to the sweet little home we've built
The place we said would be best to raise our children
Green grass that rolls for acres, peach trees, apple trees and a garden we feed our mouths and souls with
I see you
And there comes the recoil
I sink back into my shell
I feel my heart pounding and the can hear the rapid sound
The anxiety and tension can be cut like butter
The remorse and the temptation to run growing stronger
You're standing there before me
Threatening my haven
The tiny circle I've built
I once let you in
But I fear that's fallen apart
I know my issues are my own and hold myself truly accountable for the damage that I've done
I cannot blame you for the loss of trust your eyes give it all away, the look in your face
I cannot turn back the hands of time
I cannot change what's happening in my mind
Lord knows in hindsight if I had known had bad this would have gotten
I would have done different, tried harder and been more aware
I would have been more of a conversationalist letting you in on the ways I feel
I would have reiterated just how unhappy Ive been
But things blew up in my face and now it's like I've allowed everything go to waste
We thought our lawns would always be green but now it's grown brittle and beige
They say the grass isn't always greener on the other side but what if we've done all we could have tried?
Coddled and fertilized but what if the pigment and life is all but lost?
What if the way we're feeling is just the same but neither one of us speaks up out of shame? It wasn't supposed to happen this way but I'm scared the skies have grown dark and damp, stealing away our most beautiful and sun-shiney days.