Breaking Walls | ✓

Chapter 40: Think happy thoughts. THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS.

I was three bong rips high at the time and man I had never wanted to kiss him more.

I told him my favourite quote, no big deal.

Just that he's the only person in the world that knows it now.

And he got weird after that as his eyes softened and he looked at me funny. Maybe he was thinking about kissing me too.

At least I hope so.

He said 'I wasn't beyond repair.' 'it's okay to accept when you're broken, Kea.'

And suddenly I felt like I was back on the couch in therapy with my mom trying to make me be normal.

But I wasn't normal and no one told me it was okay to not be normal sometimes, everyone was hellbent on making me a mushy girly girl who liked pink and drooled over boys and tried out for the cheer team or at least secretly wanted to be one of the popular kids.

I never gave a crap about any of those things, but no one cared enough to not want to change me.

I was not made out of the mould my parents had created for me. I was different and that is why dad left and that is why mom keeps her distance.

Because the person that I was, wasn't worth a second chance.

Reyes thought by saying that he was giving me hope but he just proved my point that I had a chance at fixing myself, that I wasn't beyond fixing but what if I didn't want to be fixed. What if until now I thought I was fixed.

What if I thought I didn't need repair but you chose to fix me anyway?

--

This fucked me up. 

I never meant to make her believe that I thought she needed fixing.

I just said that in that moment because I thought that's what she needed. 

Kea was perfect and it sucked that every time I tried to show her that she didn't believe me. 

It killed me that she couldn't see how brilliant she was. 

--

I drank so much so fast after that, I blacked out. Looking at Reyes's midnight eyes was all I remember last.

I woke up in his bed the next morning.

I mean how many times did I have to wake up to these situations to actually learn.

What's wrong with me?

I didn't know how I got there or what I had done after blacking out.

All I knew was that my bra was gone.

I was still wearing my pants.
Reyes confirmed that we didn't do it, which was a huge relief because sex with Reyes isn't something I'd want to be drunk for. Not that we'll ever do it but it's just nice that he felt the same thing.

He was nice to me, even when I acted like a complete dictator.

He gave in to every whim of mine.

Like he was enjoying it.

He's funny and caring and mature in an annoying sorta way.

OH god, I sound like a monster.

I should probably stop before it gets ruined.

..

Knowing what happened next, I tried not to feel too good about all the nice things she said.