Liquorice Honey (A Draco Malfoy x Reader fanfic)

38: Of Angels and Death Eaters

She said, not realising the look on (Y/N)'s face changing.

''Understandable; it is a rather painful curse to experience...'' (Y/N) said, laughing humourlessly and raising her sleeve to show the word engraved there, still only just scarring over; 'traitor'.

Anneliese's eyes filled with a cocktail of fear and anxiety; ''Merlin's beard,'' she breathed, ''and I thought what they did to lil' Kyle was bad...''

(Y/N) went to speak, but stopped herself; ''I've been saying it wasn't that bad; but it truly was. But do you why I could keep myself alive?''

Anneliese shook her head.

''Because I have people to keep living for,'' she declared, ''even if I did say I'd lose my life for them; I wanted to be able to protect people I believe in, people I love; people like you, like Isabel, like Harry, like—''

She bit her lip, trying to keep her expression solid.

''They sorted you wrong, Silverlie,'' Anneliese breathed, ''you're the bravest kid I've ever met.''

(Y/N) just managed to smile; she knew she wasn't strong, that she wasn't brave.

If she was, she'd have returned to Malfoy Manor by now.

She would have saved Draco, just like Isabel had saved her.

But no; she was a coward.

A coward hiding behind the guise of supporting Harry Potter.

~

He could have saved her that night.

He knew he could have; but he was too scared to, too scared to step out of line.

And now she lay dead, dumped like rubbish in a forest somewhere; like a star dying, left as an unnamed, forgotten white dwarf somewhere out there in the expanse of the galaxy.

A book he'd borrowed from her god knows when sat on the windowsill; he often spent his sleepless nights looking at her name, written delicately on the first page of the book, embellished with a star over the 'I' in her surname.

A tiny, silver star; one that was fading from wear, but one that was able to keep on shimmering there on the page, as beautiful as the day (Y/N) had put it there.

Would she have kept smiling, have kept shining if her life hadn't been cut short? 

Of course she would have.

''My Kneazle is prone to attacking unlikeable people...'''

'You're an absolute ass, Draco Malfoy! I hate you, I hate you more than anything!''

Little things she'd said over the years began to come to the forefront of his memory; small comments about how much he annoyed her, and how she hated him...

They'd never gotten to him before now, but with this current situation...

Her voice echoed in his head.'

'I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!''

He dug his nails into the windowsill, self-hatred running through every vein in his body now.

After a moment of suppressing himself from screaming, he flipped the book open; this was that copy of 'Heidi' he'd borrowed back when they still didn't get along, and it felt strange to see it again...

She hadn't even removed his note from inside, or repaired the rips from where he'd turned the page too quickly.

Marks from inky thumbs littered the corners, and tiny water drops from the tree she used to sit under covered more than a few pages.

But the back page was the real kick in the gut.

Two small messages were written there.'

'Hello! It seems you've found my book. Unless I've lent this to you, please return it immediately! Especially if your name is Pansy!

ADDITION: Extra especially if your name is Draco! Seriously, this is mine, buy your own!''

She'd drawn small silver stars around the little message, and then her name was written again at the bottom.

But there was another little revision underneath that; from moments before she'd lent it to him again.

''ADDITION: Me loving you does not mean this book is yours! I might be, but this isn't, okay?''

Tears began to roll down his face as he stared at the words until his vision was too blurry for him to read them anymore.

Her voice continued to resonate in his head, repeating her truthful but ever so painful comments from over the years over and over, like clockwork.

''Shut up!'' Draco eventually yelled, ''Shut up...''

''I know she's out there somewhere,'' he gestured towards the sky, ''because...because even when stars die...''

His sobs impaired his speech.

''They...they're still beautiful, you can't take that away from them!'' he practically yelled at the sky.

''There'll always be s...someone to make sure they're...''

He couldn't say the last word; how could he? He didn't step forward to keep (Y/N) safe, and even if she was somehow still alive out there, he didn't try to find her.

It would have been Isabel who did that; or Harry, or Hermione, or Ron, or Luna...

All people who deserved her love far more than he did.

He clawed at the tears in his eyes, at the mark on his arm; all signs of him being too scared to keep her safe.

All reasons she had to be kept away, to be killed...

''I still love you, (Y/N),'' he breathed, clasping the book in his hand, ''you'll never be gone from my heart...''

And that was something he knew was true.

After you meet such an angel, such a truly loving, kind person who was forgiving enough to give him second chances over and over again...

You can't just let go and love another. It's an impossibility.

So there he stood, every night, dreaming about what could have been; dreaming about her.The girl he loved...

And the girl he'd killed.