If I'm Not In Love

34

I was scowling at him while he ushered me as I get inside the passenger's seat. Mabilis niya itong isinara at patakbong pumunta sa kabilang side at sumakay sa driver's seat.

“What was that?” tanong ko.

Nginitian niya lang ako bago saglit na sumilip sa labas saka pinaandar yung sasakyan. Napailing na lang ako habang kinakabit yung seatbelt.

“I saw Melissa.. ” he suddenly said that made me astounded for a second.

There's a sudden pinch I felt in my heart after hearing that. Suddenly, I felt that it was connected to Ethon.

Hindi niya agad dinugtungan yung sinasabi niya. Lumingon siya sakin saglit at biglang tinabi yung sasakyan at hininto sa gilid ng kalsada. “I don't want to meddle, but I don't want to lie to you either, Lala,” he finally continued as he turned to me and looked straight into my eyes, “She's.. with him.”

Mas lalong nagsalubong ang kilay ko habang nakatitig ako sa kanya. Troy would never lie to me pero ayaw maniwala ng utak ko. I know there's nothing wrong with me. I'm well aware about Ethon's feelings for Melissa and I also know he's still in love with her, kahit na feeling ko.. nagkakagusto na siya sakin. Hindi naman kasi ako bulag. I just don't think I need to acknowledge everything that concerns with his feelings with Melissa, because that's the main reason why there are people who got deeply hurt and wounded. Ignorance is a bliss, sabi nga nila.

I closed my eyes and heaved a sigh. And then, I flashed a smile as I opened my eyes to assure him that im fine. Pero niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko, I know. Dahil hinding hindi ko madadaya si Troy.

Mabilis niya kong kinabig at niyakap. He even patted my back and I felt him kissed the side of my head. “I didn't see them doing anything tho. Everything's okay,” he consoled.

Nakagat ko yung ibabang labi ko. It didn't convince me but I let it slide. Ganito naman palagi. I don't want small things consume me kaya niyakap ko na lang siya pabalik para atleast mahimasmasan ako.

*

“Magkasama kayo kahapon?” tanong ni Nico na nag-aabang na samin ni Troy sa parking lot ng university.

“Oo. Bakit?” I replied.

Saglit siyang makahulugang tumingin sa katabi ko bago ngumiti sakin at inakbayan ako. Pero hindi din naman nagtagal yung pag-akbay niya dahil mabilis itong kinalas ni Troy at hinila na 'ko papasok sa gate.

“Hoy! Napakapossessive mo! Hindi ka naman boyfriend!” reklamo ni Nico na binalewala lang ni Troy. Nico then turned to me and pointed my bestfriend, “Sabihin mo nga dyan, hindi ka kanya, Lala,” utos nito.

Natawa na lang ako habang napapailing. Ang cute lang talaga nilang dalawa. Paano na kaya ako kapag nagkagirlfriend na sila? For sure, hindi na mangyayari 'tong ganitong eksena.

I was busy watching the two bickers when I suddenly caught two familiar figures. Feeling ko, déjà vu 'to. Dahil dito din mismo sa spot ko unang nakita sila Melissa dati.

Parang kinurot yung puso ko nung mapagtanto kong sila nga talaga yung papalapit samin galing sa canteen. Siguro maaga silang pumasok para makapagbreakfast ng sabay? I don't know. Hindi na kasi kami nakapagtext ni Ethon after namin magkita sa supermarket. I decided to have a dayoff with Ethon by spending my whole weekend with Troy. Ayoko kasing dumating ako sa point na magdedemand na ako, dahil una sa lahat, wala pa naman akong karapatan.

Biglang tumigil si Troy at Nico sa harap ko kaya napahinto ako bigla. Muntik pa akong mabangga sa likod ni Troy kung hindi lang ako napatungo at nakita yung mga paa nila na biglang tumigil sa paghakbang.

“Bakit?” nagtatakang tanong ko which completely diverted my attention to the two people approaching our direction.

Dahan-dahan silang pumihit paharap sakin. Tumingala ako sa kanila dahil pareho silang matangkad. My eyes then squinted when I saw the look on their faces na para bang may masama silang binabalak. I folded my arms across my chest as I tilted my head and waited for their next action. But nothing came.

Hahawiin ko na sana sila para makadaan ako pero bigla na lang nila akong pinaggitnaan at niyakap ng dalawa!

“I.. can't.. breath!” sigaw ko nang tumagal sila sa pag-ipit sakin.

Automatically, they stepped back and chuckled. Nico ruffled my hair while Troy quickly fixed it and gave the former a knowing look. Natawa na lang ako habang napapailing sa kanila nang bigla akong napalingon sa dalawang taong nakatayo sa likuran nina Troy at Nico.

“Troy..” tawag ni Melissa na mabilis na nilingon ni Troy.

Napalingon ako kay Nico nung maramdaman kong sinisiko niya ko. He then pointed Ethon who was already staring at me kaya mabilis ko siyang nginitian at nilapitan.

Siguro, ganito talaga kapag in love. Yung tipong gusto mong magtampo sa kanya pero kapag nandyan na siya na nakangiti sayo, parang bulang bigla na lang nawawala yung tampo mo.

In just a snap, we came back to normal, na hindi namin namalayan na naging routine na pala namin na dapat kaming lima yung magkakasama sa isang table every lunch break. There were no awkward moments except with Melissa na parang pilit yung mga ngiti at hindi makatingin sakin.

But I just shrugged it off.

Hindi naman kasi ako yung tipo na ginagawang big deal lahat ng kilos. Maybe I could say im insensitive, but I just know that not everything revolves around me.

“Malapit na hell week. Please guys. Give me some motivation to study hard!” pagmamakaawa ni Nico.

I chuckled.

Bigla akong sinamaan ng tingin ni Nico kaya tinapik ko na lang yung balikat niya habang natatawa pa rin. “Isipin mo na lang yung crush mo,” suggestion ko.

Nico frowned, “Wala akong crush”

“Totoo?” I raised my eyebrows in disbelief.

I saw Troy grinned, but didn't say anything. Makahulugan lang siyang nakatingin kay Nico habang yung huli ginagantihan siya ng masamang tingin.

I tilted my head. Parang may ibig sabihin yung tinginan nila, “May hindi ba ako alam na nangyayari dito?” curious na tanong ko.

Sabay-sabay silang tumingin sakin. Kahit si Melissa na nagpapakabusy sa cellphone, napaangat ng tingin.

Si Nico yung unang umiling, “Bukod sa hindi mo alam na manhid ka? Wala na,” natatawang sambit nito.

Nagsalubong yung kilay ko, “Ako? Manhid?” nagtatakang tanong ko. Matagal kong tinitigan ang natatawang so Nico. Paano niya nasabing manhid ako? “May Hindi ba ko alam?” dugtog ko.

Malakas na tumawa si Nico bago umiling ulit, “Just kidding! Napaparanoid ka na yata? Hindi ako sanay,” he grinned

I just stared at him confusedly hanggang sa maramdaman ko yung mahinang paghila sa buhok ko. Then, I turned to Troy who was chuckling whilst shaking his head.

Feeling ko tuloy may hidden joke sila na hindi ko nagets, pero nung makita kong pare-pareho kaming mukhang clueless nina Melissa at Ethon, nagkibit-balikat na lang ako.

“Hindi na 'ko magugulat one day if you two announced that there's something in between the two of you!” ganti ko.

And once again, I felt a light tug of my hair. But he wasn't contented about it when suddenly, upon facing him, he pinched my cheeks not too hard but still stings.

“Tama na yan,” biglang saway ni Ethon na automatic na nagpatigil kay Troy sa pagpisil sa pisngi ko.

At hindi pa siya nakunteto doon dahil siya na rin ang naghawi sa mga kamay ni Troy. Gently, he then carresed my cheeks that I think became more pinkish. Pero hindi lang ako sigurado kung dahil ba yun sa pagpisil ni Troy o sa unexpected reaction ni Ethon.

But one thing's for sure though.. Ethon Esguera, finally made my heart skipped a beat.