Keys to Happiness

31. Key(2)

The ride to our Japanese dorms seemed to take an eternity, the buildings that flashed by all merging into one big blur that I couldn't focus on. I checked the time belatedly and realized it was late, almost one a.m., but more than likely Aliah would be awake. She liked staying up into the wee hours of the morning and I usually called around this time anyway. I sent her a quick text letting her know I wanted to Skype her and she sent back a ton of hearts.

I smiled at the text message and stopped myself from telling our manager to go faster. He was new and the youngest of our three managers. I didn't want to bully him but I was anxious. My heart pounded and the sound seemed to reverberate around inside my head. We had talked only the day before, but each time I saw her my emotions seemed to overwhelm me. Our living space here in Japan was similar to the one in Korea, but the key being that it was smaller. TaeMin and I shared a room but as I ran inside and flopped myself down on my bed, I locked the door behind me. A loud pounding came only seconds later.

"Key hyung, I'm tired too! Open up!"

"Go stay with MinHo until I'm off the phone," I called out to him, already pulling out my laptop from underneath my bed. I heard mumbled curses as TaeMin walked away from the door, but they didn't faze me. The screen of my computer flared to life and I immediately clicked on the Skype icon. As the Skype call began, my excitement reached its pinnacle and my palms were sweaty. I wondered what she'd be wearing, what her hair would look like, but most of all I couldn't wait to see her smile.

Aliah's face appeared on the screen, her familiar Wednesday glasses having been pushed onto her face quickly even though it was Thursday night.

"Hey," I breathed out, my body suddenly relaxing like it hasn't done all day.

Her smile was dazzling as she waved back and I couldn't stop the laugh that burst out of me.

"Jagiyah, I missed you," I said whining just a bit, my childish pout making her laugh.

"Oh yeah? I've missed you too. Lately I've been watching old videos of you on YouTube. Sometimes it feels like you're still with me."

I blew out a breath and my eyes shifted away from her.

"What is it? Is that too weird?" Aliah mouth turned down into a frown and I wanted to kiss it away.

"No it's not weird, I just kind of wish I could watch you too whenever I felt like it. I guess it's just that this isn't how I wanted our relationship to be."

"What do you mean?" Aliah's brow furrowed and I quickly went to explain what I meant.

"It's just tough with me working so far away from you, with us dating through a screen."

"KiBum, I understand that it's your job-," she began but I cut her short.

"It's not only that... For years I told anybody who asked that having a relationship and being a success didn't mix. You can't be in love and make it work when one person is absent. There was a time when I thought I could live without having anyone to share my life with. I thought that being by myself was much better than caring too much for someone and then in the end having them leave because of the constant distance. If I was alone, then I couldn't get hurt and I thought that I would stay that way.

"But when I'm with you Aliah, I can't think like that. All I can think of is how to keep you close to me, how to make you smile, how to make you love me as much as I love you. I need you now more than I ever thought possible. It scares me but I don't want to give you up... I can't. And now I'm doing the exact thing I said I'd never do. I don't want us to move apart from each other. I want to keep you so close that you get sick of me. I want to wake up next to you each day and tell you how much I love you. I don't want to see you crying when I'm not there to wipe your tears."

I said this last bit as she turned away from the screen, her fingers wiping away the wetness beneath her glasses. It frustrated me all over again that I wasn't with her, stuck here in another country while she missed me. 

"Sweetie, I used to feel that way too. I was so determined to be around my partner, I wanted every part of our lives to intersect. What was love if two people weren't always together? I thought that closeness brought happiness back then but you make me happy KiBum. Each day getting texts from you, your funny emails and these calls too. It doesn't matter that I'm not next to you, you're with me wherever I go, right here." She patted her chest directly over her heart and I felt my own beat as if in response. 

"So even if we're not together, I can't say that I feel that unhappy. And when we are together it's that much more special because I know that sometimes it might be difficult to make our schedules work together. But I'm always thinking about you and wondering what you're doing.  I'm hoping you're OK and eating well. I'm praying that when girls are screaming that they love you, you're remembering how much I care about you. Even though I try not to, I get jealous when they yell your name."

"Sometimes I think that I want to keep you all to myself. When you're gone for so long, I can't help but be scared that you might not want to come back. I'm scared that what I feel for you is too strong and it's happened too fast. What if it all disappears one day?" She asked me and I tried to hide the shock I felt. Like usual it seemed as if I had underestimated Aliah's feelings for me. It hadn't even occurred to me that she would be jealous of the attention I received from fans, but here she was saying it clearly. Despite the serious conversation, I wanted to smile in relief and satisfaction.

"Lia, I miss you so much, don't ever think I don't," I reached out my hand to touch the screen and Aliah's hand following until it seemed as though our hands were touching through the monitor. "That won't happen, I know it."

"How can you know that?"

"Because no one is in a relationship by themselves. Even if you have doubts, I won't and my resolve will keep you strong. And if I ever feel like it's better not love someone and lose them, you can remind me just how beautiful love is, even if pain is a part of it."

"KiBum, I do love you. I love you so much that it hurts. I know things haven't been easy for you, but I'll do everything in my power to never leave you, I promise," she vowed and despite knowing that people change and feelings are even more ephemeral, I believed her.

"Make sure you don't," I told her seriously. "More than my career, you're my most important thing. I'm still Key of SHINee, but there isn't a Kim KiBum without you."

"Saranghae, don't worry we'll be together soon. And then I won't let you go for a long while, so you better enjoy your freedom while it lasts," she told me jokingly.

"There's nothing that I'd want more than to be with you all the time. It's only a punishment if you're not there," I told her quietly, suddenly shy. 

Aliah's tears started again but this time she didn't turn away from the screen, her eyes locking with mine in a way that made me long to be next to her.

"Well then, hurry back."

A/N: Why is our main couple being so sweet? Ah, young love lol. Anyways rewriting this has made me all to aware of how much my writing has improved from 3 years, sometimes I wish I had the patience to really scrap this story and do it again. Oh well, I hope you guys are enjoying, stay tuned for more! <3