Keys to Happiness

11. Aliah

I closed the door to my apartment behind me after my kiss with KiBum, feeling a mixture of pure elation and more than a little embarrassment. I hadn't ever felt such an immediate connection with someone before, and our kiss had been surprising in its intensity. I was in some ways shocked at my own actions, because before this, I had never been one to initiate intimacy.

Unlike the few men that I had been with before, KiBum had been a gentleman until the end, his kiss simple yet sweet. But that small kiss had made me want to take a deeper taste of him, maybe in an unconscious attempt to know why he affected me the way he did. I wasn't a stranger to men, and even a few gorgeous guys had come my way on occasion; but I had never wanted them like I had wanted KiBum in that moment. Had I changed that much, or was it just the person whom I was with?

I didn't like to stay caught up in the past, but unwanted thoughts of my ex-fiancé Marcus came to mind. I had always tried to make us closer as a couple, wanting us to share everything and be everything to each other. Unlike what I had seen in my parents' failed relationship, I wanted my love to last. In a desperate bid to gain that closeness and love, I had slept with Marcus even though I had wanted to wait until marriage.

In the end, he had pulled away from me anyway and had cheated on me to top it all off. I hadn't thought that I wanted my heart to be that open to someone again, but when I looked at KiBum, I wondered what made him so special that I was even considering making this relationship something serious. He wasn't what I'd expected an idol to be; he was just another guy. But if he was just another guy, would I end up regretting my feelings for him? All that night the thoughts and doubts swirled around in my head again and again, but I couldn't come up with an answer. My only conclusion was that I would have to give him a chance if I wanted to find out.

Although we stayed in contact for the next few days, when KiBum began working in earnest again, I made sure that my own days were full of work, time spent with co-workers, and HyoWon. Before one week had even ended, I had been to the nail salon twice, gone shopping with HyoWon three times and had totally pigged out in several restaurants around Seoul even though I had food waiting to be cooked in the house.

I had to intentionally keep myself busy because I knew that by the end of the day, my reward would come, and I'd receive a text from KiBum. True to his word, he sent at least one every night, usually around one or two in the morning. I was excited each time I received his messages, but I also felt sad that he was working so hard. I hoped that he wasn't overdoing it, but I definitely couldn't tell if he was overworked through the videos that came out online of the music programs Shinee performed on.

I was totally cyber stalking him and made sure to watch every stage Shinee did for their Married to the Music promotions. I had even cheered quietly at my computer each time they won an award. The song was amazing and watching KiBum perform gave me a whole new perspective of him. He really came alive on stage and it seemed as though he was in his element and ecstatic to be performing again.

When KiBum texted me at night, he would sometimes go over his day, telling me about all the activities they had done. I had never known that being an idol was so exhausting! Within the average day, Shinee would have up to three recordings of a single stage performance, some type of fan event, a radio or TV show, and on most days a photo shoot as well.

They also usually practiced their dancing and singing one to two hours in a practice room for their upcoming concert, leading to him coming back to the Shinee dorm at all hours of the night. I would get tired just listening to KiBum talk about it all and most days I told KiBum to stop texting and talking to me so that he could get some much needed rest. As the days passed, I worried about him and found myself thinking of ways I could make up for his hard work when he finally finished his comeback.

Shinee's upcoming concert was a hot topic among some of the girls in my class and I listened while they spoke longingly of being able to go. Unfortunately for them it was taking place in Bangkok, outside of their ability to get to. KiBum had told me how excitable the fans were over there since they didn't get to see Shinee as often as other countries. The concert would only be a daylong event and then they would be flying back to Seoul the next day. I was in a state of constant nervousness; I wanted things to be perfect for when KiBum came back.

I had invited him to join me for a dinner for the day after his flight back into Seoul. I hadn't wanted Key rushing to see me so soon after returning to the country, so I had asked him if it was okay if we met the day after. I had begun preparing for what I hoped would be a nice dinner. My cooking skills were pretty good, but I had yet to try anything foreign in my kitchen, so I decided American food would be a much safer bet than any Korean cuisine I could find a recipe for online. Lasagna was a quick and easy dish, and one that I knew KiBum liked from our conversation during our first date. I had already bought all the ingredients and the only thing left to do was put them all together a few hours before KiBum was scheduled to arrive.

The day he came back into Korea, KiBum sent me a few messages, but told me he would be spending the day with his members in their dorm. He assured me that our plans for tomorrow were still a go, so after a few more texts, we said our goodbyes. While I wanted to see him, I was even more anxious now that he had been away for so long. Our relationship had barely begun and I wondered if it would last in the midst of such long distances and time spent apart. Closeness and proximity hadn't been of any help in my past relationships and with all of KiBum's travelling, I knew it wouldn't be easy to keep us on a straight path. The next day would be an opportunity to solidify our feelings for each other.

The next morning dawned bright and early; I knew this because for once I was actually up at sunrise. All night long I had been unable to sleep, thinking about the day ahead. I had spent a good portion of my day yesterday obsessing over my clothing choices. It had taken another shopping trip with HyoWon, but I had found a bright green sheathe dress that I thought looked great on me from a shop in Hongdae. It did come a little above my lower thighs, but I thought showing off some leg wouldn't hurt. I had styled my hair in a faux tapered cut that made it look as though my hair was cut short on one side and the other was fully curled out in a style reminiscent of a 1960s up-do. I thought the style matched well with the dress and it only took about an hour to fix up. Pining the curls in place so that they wouldn't be crushed during the night, I had been exhausted and ready to sleep. Unfortunately, none came easily until around eight o'clock. Since it was a weekend, I was free to sleep until around one and then I rose to get my day started. KiBum wouldn't be at my apartment until eight that night, so I had plenty of time to prepare. He hadn't seen the inside of my studio yet, so I made sure that everything was spotless. I wasn't very messy to begin with, but I didn't want him finding random bits of underwear or chip bags lying around forgotten.

After I finished cleaning, I checked the time and noticed that it was around five. I wasn't panicking yet, but I hurried to get in the shower. I took a little longer than usual, making sure any unwanted hair had been removed. I used my favorite lotion from Bath and Body Works that my mom had promised to send me a bottle of every few weeks so that I didn't run out. The familiar smell calmed away my nerves, and as I slip into my dress, all I feel is confidence. Now the time is around six-thirty, so I begin to prepare the lasagna. It only takes about twenty minutes and I pop it in the oven to bake. I turn off the large lamps in my living room and instead use the light dimmer for the first time since I've lived in this apartment. Some mood lighting can only make a date better, I remind myself. It's fifteen minutes to eight now, and butterflies have begun to take up residence in my stomach. I know that KiBum will be on time, and I turn the lasagna on warm to keep it from burning. Five minutes later, I receive a text from KiBum, telling me he's almost here. My heart kicks into overdrive and I run around fixing little non-essentials, fooling with my hair, and fixing the way my dress lays on my body. Eventually, a bell rings and I freeze as I'm putting on the last touches of my makeup.