Memory Documentation

chapter six | documenting a war between heart and mind

Chris knew all along that he'd be walking himself straight into heartbreak if he let Bridgit go, but best intentions took precedence over that. While his heart's still questioning if this was the right thing to do, his mind had everything to say it was. He can think with his head, but it's not like he can ignore the cries of his broken heart. This will be easier once the two were on the same page, thinking in sync again.

"You have no idea how glad I am that you didn't say 'it could be worse,'" Chris told me after a good amount of time gone by. "Like, yeah, it could be worse, but that doesn't mean it doesn't fucking suck right now."

"I don't think I'm the slap on the back and a 'it could be worse' kind of person," I assured him, my face twisting. After being told that by several people - including myself - during the course of my up and down moments in life, the saying wasn't very comforting once you come to the realization that things are still pretty bad. I guess it's just a matter of whether or not you'd like to be a pessimist or an optimist.

"Well, I think you hit the nail with that last part. You've said exactly everything I needed to hear and more. Thank you. And y'know," he mused with teasingly narrowed eyes, "maybe you're really a therapist in the works, Darce."

"Or maybe I just sounded like an inspirational tumblr blog because I follow way too many life motivating accounts on social media," I replied, only half-joking as I stretched my legs in front of me. Maybe less than half, I silently added with consideration. His laughter was like a pin popping the bubble of deep conversation that surrounded us in. I could feel the weight in the air lifting. His carefree smile was back, and it made my heart swell knowing I was able to help put it there. I'd noticed the tension in his shoulders when he first walked in, but now he sat with ease in his posture. I'm glad to have alleviated some of his distress, but the session to do so brought me to the brink of exhaustion. I was going to pass out.

"Now that we've got the heavy stuff outta the way..." Stretching with my arms high above my head, I all but collapsed onto my bed like a sea lion on land.

"What was that?" Chris asked when the rest of my sentence came out muffled.

I lifted my face from the mattress and said, "I think I'll leave my part of the conversation to another day. I've given you enough to think about for the night."

"I'd ask if you're sure, but you're practically already falling asleep right in front of me."

He was right. My eyelids were weighted shut with exhaustion.

Chuckling when all I could manage was a nod, Chris took one of my pillows and threw it on top of me. I grunted and rolled onto my back, chucking the pillow back at him with a hushed yell, "Don't abuse your uncertified therapist!"

"Come lock the door before you knock out," he ordered, still chuckling as he tossed the pillow back so that it landed onto my face. I didn't bother with retaliation this time, just pressed my face deeper into the cool fabric as I curled up on myself. And there, at that moment, I'd found the most perfect, most comfortable position. And what does one do after making such a discovery?

Let yourself drift off to sleep, of course.

✿❀✿

My eyes were still heavy with exhaustion when my alarm clock woke me up for school five hours later. It was only after I hit snooze three times did I register how I most definitely fell asleep during Chris's company last night.

Of course I did. Way to go, me.

To make things even better, on the fourth and final snooze attempt, I was able to open my eyes long enough to read a text from Chris saying he ran into Papa when he headed out last night. Crap. I'm not sure if this was a text of doom, or simply a head's up. Was Papa upset finding Chris last night? It shouldn't be a big deal, right? I knew the truth wasn't as scandalous as a father would think after catching a boy sneaking out of his daughter's room late at night. It was just a late night friend therapy session. I'll tell him just that.