Memory Documentation

chapter six | documenting a war between heart and mind

He cracked a smile. It was the first real smile I've got out of him tonight.  "Look at you with these fancy sayings," he said teasingly, nudging my knee with his. "All right, you win. Let's really have an impromptu therapy session right here, right now. As of this moment, I'm officially hiring you and will repay with whatever lunch you please."

I returned his smile. "I'm not certified or professional in any way, shape, or form, but I've got the determination to try and ease your worries even just a tiny bit," I answered with some optimism in my tone, then gestured theatrically. "Lay it on me, Christopher."

Now that he had a pair of listening ears at the ready, he looked stumped. "Where to start... This whole 'therapy' thing could take a while."

I gave him a look, then got up and flapped my blanket open and closed like a bird in flight. "Take note of what I'm wearing. See this?" Flap. "This is my ready-to-pass-out-at-any-second outfit. If it takes all night, so be it."

He looked down at his own clothing. "It's a good thing I came in sweatpants and a hoodie then."

I plopped down next to him. "So, do I need a pen and paper for this?"

"Just your ears will do."

"Well." I gestured for him to begin.

Chris leaned his elbows on his knees and took a minute to pick out a single thing from his myriad of thoughts. Then he said, "In the moments of wishing I could be with her again, I think of all the times I said 'no,' or 'maybe next time.' Because when your time with a person is up, you'll wish you took the chance and said yes. And all those potential times you could have been with them but had turned down - well, that's time you can ever get back."

Oof.

I blew out from my mouth. "Starting off heavy, huh?"

"One a.m. conversations can go from light nonsense to deep shit real quick," he chuckled. "Well, help me out, Dr. Darcy. Do I sound insane?"

"No, not at all," I said softly. "What you said is definitely true. It doesn't even have to be thought of in a romantic sense, either. Whether it's a significant other, relative, or friend, I think everyone wishes they could have more time with someone they no longer have time with."

"It's situations like this that make you realize just how many moments we've taken for granted. We do that because we assumed there would be more moments like it."

Damn, I thought, physically bringing my hand to my chest. I could actually feel my heartstrings being pulled at. It only made me think about Papa, Ben, Ronnie, and the others who were close to me. I wanted to be grateful and appreciate them more than ever. "Sounds like a good lesson to take from all this. Have you and Bridgit tried to stay friends?" I asked.

"No," he said with a slight wince. "I think we both know how much of a strained friendship it would be. But I guess it's for the best." His shoulders raised in a half-hearted shrug. "She's happy, y'know? I want her to be happy, even if it's not with me."

"Aw, Chris." Those words tugged so hard at my heart, I'm pretty sure something tore. I scooted over and gave him the hug I wished I gave him the night I saw him sitting brokenhearted at the booth. He leaned his head against mine, releasing a long, forlorn sigh.

"Would you like my final piece of advice?" I asked, placing a hand on his knee.

"Lay it on me."

"I think, in your head, you've given yourself all the advice you need to move on. It's just your heart's a little on the slow side when it comes to thinking in sync with your mind. You did what was best, and you know it was for the best. Give yourself some time to catch up and truly believe in what you did." I squeezed his knee and added, "I know it's not okay now, but it will be eventually. You know it will."