Semester in Space BxB (Staten Krown)

8

"I...uh...I..."

I'm speechless. The man who I have been crushing on forever is standing in my doorway holding my journal. This journal is supposed to be used by everyone as a way to record our voyage. The fact that Pia would go so low as to steal something so personal just to get back at me blows my fucking mind. I can't believe her right now.

"Spit it out," Jax states, "The things that are in this journal I don't understand them. Is this some kind of joke or something?"

"It's not a joke Jax."

Jax just sits there. He looks at his hands for a minute. He's not responding. Why the fuck isn't he saying anything? Why the fuck isn't he responding to me at all?

I don't know how to take this.

I'm scared. I'm antsy.

Just at that moment I see someone else walk up to us. It's Kaysha. She is standing there at the door clearly coming to either see Jae Jae or I. She looks at Jax and I in the threshold. She doesn't seem to realize how strange things are right now.

Kaysha smiles, "Jax Christopher. I know we haven't been properly introduced or something but I used to love...love love your music when you were a kid. I had my poster on your wall. Um...sorry guys. I'm being rude. Am I interrupting anything here?"

The whole time Kaysha was talking Jax is just looking down. It's the first time ever that he isn't making eye contact with me. It's almost like he's lost and confused. It's like we've traded places. Here I am searching his face and expressions for answers and he's fumbling around glaring at the floor.

"I don't know...is she?" I ask.

Jax doesn't respond.

"Um...I can give you guys space. I feel like I just walked into something."

As if it's not awkward enough Jae Jae joins us at the door, "Kaysha. I think you should give them some time to talk.

"Actually no. I'm good," Jax says all of a sudden, "We don't need to talk about it."

"Yes we do," I respond, "Please give us space.

Jax stops them before they can leave, "No. It's ok. I was just leaving. I told you Mario. I'm good right now..."

Fuck. My heart drops.

"Well I'm not," I tell Jax at that moment, "I've had a crush on you since the day I've met you Jax. Everything that I wrote in that journal was the truth. And when I'm around you it starts all over again. I'm probably just a number to you. One of your many adoring fans. And I'm ok because honestly Jax I'm sitting here among the stars and you're the biggest one to me."

Kaysha just stands there with her mouth wide open. She is just staring at me. Jax isn't responding. He's acting like he doesn't see me. He's acting like he'd rather be anywhere else in the world right now but here with me. I can't take this. I can't fucking take how awkward this shit is.

"Are you sure?" Jae Jae asks him.

"We can give you guys some time to talk if...um..." Kaysha states.

"He said what he had to say. I was just returning something..." Jax states.

Jax leans over at that moment and he hands my journal to me. I look at my journal. This has to be the worst day of my life. This has to be the most awkward thing I've ever experienced. Jax turns and walks away. I'm left just feeling...stupid.

And it's not even that. The awkward tension leaves Jax and Kaysha just sitting there looking back at me.

"You have some explaining to do," Kaysha states.