Counting stars (A Riker Lynch and Ross Lynch fanfic)

Chapter 18 I love you, Goodbye

Ross had pulled me with him to his room and we were lying in his bed watching a movie. I didn’t pay attention to the movie at all. I was just thinking about how everything got messed up so quickly. “Is everything okay?” Ross suddenly asked me. He had paused the movie and I didn’t even notice it until now. “Yeah, I’m just thinking.” I replied and gave him my best smile. “About what?” He kept asking. “I don’t know. Nothing and everything. Just letting my mind go” I answered him and shrugged, trying my best to pretend like everything was like normal. “Okay. Well, let me know if you want to talk about anything. You know I’m there for you, right?” he smiled. “Of course” I smiled back. He played the movie again, and I went back to my thoughts.

A few hours later, it was time to go back home. It didn’t feel like the best time to meet the parents for the first time, so I thought it was best if I left before they got home. I knocked on Riker’s bedroom door. “Come in” he yelled through the closed door. I opened it enough for me to stick my head in. “I’m going home now. Just though I should say goodbye.” I said. “Okay. Should I cone by later, or…?” he asked. “If you want to” I shrugged. “Okay. Bye” “Bye.” I closed his bedroom door, waved goodbye to the guys on the couch and headed back home.

It didn’t take more than a couple of hours before there was a knock on my bedroom door. The door opened and Riker stepped inside. “Your mother let me in” he explained as he closed the door again. “I think your mother thinks I’m Ross or something” he giggled and sat down next to me on the bed. “Okay?” I said and raised an eyebrow. “She told me to take good care of you and to use protection” he said with a laugh. “Oh god, no!” I said and hid my face with my hands, feeling extremely embarrassed. My reaction caused Riker to laugh even harder. “Hey, don’t worry. I told her I would” he grinned. I laughed. At the same time we both remembered what had happened earlier and the whole thing just became awkward. “Did you say anything to Ross today? About… you know” Riker asked without looking at me. “No. Do you think I should have?” I asked back. He kept looking around the room, looking at absolutely everything except from me. “I guess not” he finally answered. There was a long awkward silence again.

“Is it gonna be this awkward every time we’re together from now on? I asked and broke the silence. This was exactly what I was afraid would happen. “I don’t know” Riker answered and looked down with a guilty expression. “I shouldn’t have said something about this at all. I screwed up everything” I mumbled loud enough for him to hear me. “Hey, I said it too. Actually, I even said it first. This is just as much my fault.” He tried to comfort me. “Why? Why did I say anything? Why did you say anything? Why did we screw this up? Everything is just fucked up now! Everything has changed between us. And who are we kidding? I can’t live the rest of my life with Ross pretending like nothing’s wrong. I can’t even look him in the eyes. I just can’t. Our friendship is ruined and so is my relationship with Ross. I’ve lost you both. Three fucking words and I’ve lost you both” I just snapped. I don’t know what happened. I started out sad and sitting on the bed, next thing I knew I was standing over by the window, screaming.

I didn’t actually realize this before the exact moment I heard it pour out of me, but I was right. I’ve lost them both. Things are weird between me and Riker and there’s nothing we can do about it. But as long as I love Riker, it will never work out between me and Ross.  I can’t go on pretending. It would be like lying to him, and that would be worse than leaving him. The only solution is to just cut them both out of my life. It would hurt a lot, but it would hurt a lot less than any other solution. The nightmare has come true and I’ve actually lost them both.

I had started crying and Riker was still sitting on the bed, staring at me with the look of horror in his eyes. I didn’t know if it was because of what I said, how I just blurted it out so suddenly or if he just realized what conclusion I had come to. “I’m so sorry” he whispered. I could see tears starting to form in his eyes, but he managed to hold them back. I sighted. “Yeah, me too” I said and wiped some tears away with my sleeve. “I just can’t balance both of you. I think its better if I just… let both of you go” I explained. Once again there was a long silence. “Maybe I should leave then” Riker said and stood up. I didn’t reply. “So I probably won’t see you in a while…” Riker said as he walked up to me. He wiped some tears off my face. “…Let me at least get a proper goodbye” he continued, and the next second his lips were pressed against mine.

I felt the sparks fly and I got dizzy. My arms wrapped around his neck and I kissed him back. The kiss was filled with so much passion and emotions that I wanted to both laugh and cry at the same time. Feeling his lips on mine felt like the best thing in the world, but I still remembered what this really was. A goodbye kiss…

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Did Becca make the right decision?

Will she be able to stay away from both Ross and Riker?