Counting stars (A Riker Lynch and Ross Lynch fanfic)

Chapter 17 I need you

I'm sorry about the slow update, but I got a lot more requests for the dirty imagines than I expected.

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I gave up on thinking. It didn’t get me anywhere. It just made me more confused. So I finished the cigarette and went back inside. By the time Ross came over, I had eaten the number of crackers that he told me to and I was lying in bed watching TV. I ran downstairs and opened the door, dragging him with me upstairs before my parents could get out of bed. “You feeling better?” he asked and gave me a quick peck as soon as I closed the door to my bedroom. “Yes, much better” I said and gave him a smile. “But I have to ask you something” I continued and sat down next to him on the bed. “Ask me what?” he asked and looked at me. “What happened yesterday? Like… when did I get to your place and what happened when I got there?” I asked nervously. “Not much, actually. Riker knocked on my bedroom door around 3a.m saying he found you outside somewhere, but you were fast asleep in his arms. So he just placed you on my bed and that was pretty much it” Ross said and shrugged. “So I didn’t…say anything?” I asked again to be sure. “No. Nothing more that asking where Riker went” he replied. “Oh, okay. Wait, what?” I asked confused. “You asked where Riker went when he left the room, but you didn’t say anything else.” He explained and looked just as confused as me. “Is there something you think you said?” Ross asked me after a moment of silence. “No, I just have a tendency to say some weird crap when I’m drunk” I told him and hoped that he would buy it. “Then you have nothing to worry about” he said and pulled me in for a hug.

I asked him where Riker was. That means that I somehow knew it was Riker who picked me up last night. And if I knew it was Riker who picked me up…

No, I can’t do this. I can’t do this to Ross and I can’t do this to Riker. I could never tell Riker that I love him and still be with Ross. Not after what Riker told me. But I can’t just break up with Ross and jump into Riker’s arms either. Ross doesn’t deserve that. One solution could be to just break up with Ross and not be with either of them, but I could never avoid them in this small town. And still hanging out as friends would only hurt all three of us. God, what should I do?

“Ross I’m starting to get a headache again. Do you think I could just be alone for a while?” I asked and gave him a pleading look. “Are you sure? I could be here to take care of you. I wouldn’t mind” he assured me. “No, but thanks. I just need some alone time” I said. “Okay, just text me if you need anything or want anything.” He said and got up. “I promise” I smiled and he left. I fell back on the bed again. I’ve created such a mess. I’m so tired of all this thinking. I need another cigarette. I walked downstairs and into the living room. My mum and Lucas were having a heated argument, and both just went silent as I entered the room. “What’s going on?” I asked. “Nothing!” my mum snapped back and looked at me like I just had killed her cat or something. “Fine” I sighted and went out. I walked to the closest gas station which was only a couple of blocks away, bought a packet of cigarettes and a lighter, and went back home. I sat down outside on the stairs when I got back and lit up a cigarette.

I listened to the heated argument going on inside and I could hear them scream louder and louder. I waited for it to get to the point where one of them left, because that’s usually what happens. But this time it went further than usual. As I heard the sound of glass shattering I ran inside. I looked at them both wide eyed and with my mouth half open. They pretty much gave me the same look back. In the middle of the kitchen floor were the pieces of all the dirty dishes that once were lying in the sink. Next to the pile of broken glass was my mum, and next to the sink was Lucas standing. “You better not have aimed that at her” I said to him and felt the anger and horror building up inside me. I was so mad that I had trouble breathing and I was shaking. “What the FUCK IS GOING ON?” I screamed as loud as I could. “Your mother just bought a one way ticket to fucking Serbia with Almir” he replied trying to stay calm. I looked at my mum in disbelieve. “What? I can’t take a vacation?” she said and gave me that look I hated. The look that makes you feel like the stupidest person in the entire world. “YOU QUIT YOUR JOB AND ARE LEAVING WITH THE GUY YOU SCREW AROUND WITH IN FRONT OF ME!” Lucas screamed and kicked the shattered pieces of glass on the floor causing them to spread out through the entire kitchen. “You quit your job and you’re leaving?” I asked her. “No, I’m not leaving. I’m just taking a vacation” he replied. “Then when are you coming home?” she got silent for a minute. “I don’t know, when I feel like it. Does it really matter? I’m not leaving forever” she said and sighted, clearly annoyed. “What about me?” I asked and I could feel the tears starting to form in my eyes now. “What about you? You’ll still have a roof over your head. You’ll still have food in the fridge.” He said angrily. “So you’re going to leave me here alone with Lucas?” I asked and the first tear rolled down my cheek. “What’s so horrible about that? You already live together.” “Yes, but not alone. We’re not even family” I yelled. “Oh, Jesus. Stop being so stupid and dramatic. You have lived together for five years already.” “Stupid and dramatic? Fine! I’m just going to pretend like everything is just perfect. When are you leaving, mother?” I asked and put on the fakest smile I could.

“In a couple of days” he replied, and fake smiled back. I can’t believe this. She just got home. “Good! The sooner, the better!” I snapped and ran out, making sure I slammed the door as hard as I could behind me. I headed straight for the playground, as usual. I dumped down on the sand by the play set where Riker earlier had found me. The tears that I had struggled to hold back started flowing down my face, and I decided to just let myself cry for once. I smoked another cigarette while letting the tears flow. I wanted someone to talk to. I wanted to tell someone what happened. I needed some good advice and some comfort. Someone to lean on. Someone who I can trust with everything. Someone who would hold me tight and tell me that it will all be okay.

And I have that. I have a boyfriend who are and would do all those things. I have a boyfriend who made me promise a few hours ago to call him if I needed anything. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened the contact list. I swiped down until I found the letter R. I hesitated for a second before dialing.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I’m so sorry for bothering you with this, but I need someone to talk to. I need you” I said without managing to control my sobbing.

“I’m on my way” he said and hung up immediately.

I let my phone just fall to the ground and broke down crying again. It didn’t take more that I couple of minutes before I saw the familiar blonde hair on the other side of the playground. I had never felt this comforting just to see his face.  He came rushing over and almost threw himself down next to me in the sand, pulling me into his chest. “I’m sorry” I cried into his shoulder. “Don’t be. You know I’m always there for you” he whispered back and kissed the top of my head. His arms around me made the hard and painful ball I felt like I had in my chest disappear. The warmth of his body against mine made me calm. The familiar soothing smell of his cologne. I got a flashback from the night before when Riker had picked me up from this exact spot. I remember being picked up and smelling this cologne, and I remember saying I love you. At this point I was no longer in doubt. I love him! I love Riker!

I told Riker the whole story and he did his best to comfort me, holding me in his arms the entire time. I had stopped crying and I was just enjoying his warmth and comfort, listening to his good advice and him telling me it was all going to be okay. “Why didn’t you call Ross?” he asked after a good five minutes of silence. I didn’t know what to answer. “Don’t get me wrong. I will always be here for you no matter what and I’m really glad you called me, but wouldn’t your first instinct be to call your boyfriend?” he continued. “It was. I was going to call him, but when I saw your name on the screen I just… I don’t know… I needed you.” I said. He didn’t say anything, but as his cheek rested in my head I’m pretty sure I could feel him smile.

We sat there for a long while. Him holding me tight and resting his head on mine. “I need to tell you something” I said. I didn’t know it this was the right time, but I figured that it would never be a right time for something like this. “Last night when you found me here… I knew it was you” I said and waited for a response. I pulled away and looked at him. He gave me a confused look, like he waited for me to finish what I had started to say. It took him a couple of seconds before finally realized what I had meant. His face changed to an expression I had never seen before. I had no idea if this was a good or a bad reaction. His face was impossible to read.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “Yes. My sight was too blurry for me to see that it was you, but I recognized the smell” I explained. “The smell?” he asked. He discreetly tried to smell himself, and he looked a bit worried. “Your cologne” I chuckled. “Oh” he said and let out a sight of relief.

“So what you’re saying is…” he stopped mid sentence, looking at me with anticipation.

“I love you, Riker”