Counting stars (A Riker Lynch and Ross Lynch fanfic)

Chapter 20 So now he knows...

I'm sooo sooooo sorry this has taken me 7 months to write, but alot of stuff has been going on in my lafe lately and I've had a serious lack on inspiration. But now I have  finished one more chapter for you. Let's hope the next one doesn't take as long

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Almost a month has passed. I haven’t spoken to any of them. I’ve seen Ross a few times at the store, but I made sure he didn’t see me. I think I saw Riker at the café once, so I didn’t even go inside. I haven’t heard anything from my mum either. Lucas has taken a few weeks off work and has gone to visit her wherever she is. In other words; it’s just me alone with my thoughts and misery. I’ve never needed Riker as much as I do right now. I need a friend. Someone to talk to. Someone who can tell me it’s gonna be okay. A hug! A hug is exactly what I need!

All my days have pretty much been the same these last weeks. I get up, I watch TV, I eat, I cry and I sleep. And today was a day just like I the others, I thought. I was lying on the couch watching TV like always when my phone buzzed. I jumped at the sound of it. My phone hasn’t buzzed in weeks. I was almost too scared to check what it was, but I swallowed the hard rock of anxiousness in my throat and picked my phone up. It was a text message… From Ross.

I swallowed hard the hard rock in my throat once more as it had shot back up when I read Ross’s name.

“I need to talk to you. Are you home?”

Fear. Hope. Panic. Anxiety. So many emotions flowing through me at once. Is this a good thing? Is it a bad thing? Is he still mad? I had no idea what to expect. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. “Becca!” I could hear someone call from the other side of the door. “Becca, I know you’re home. Open up! I have to talk to you!” I recognized Ross’s voice. I hesitated. What if he’s here to yell at me some more?! Does he know that Riker is the guy I was talking about? “Come on, Becca. Please let me in” he said, in a lot calmer tone this time. I took a breath, bit my lip and opened the door. “It’s Riker” he said, with a face expression impossible to read.

“What?” was all I managed to stutter as Ross came in and closed the door behind him. “I couple of weeks ago I noticed Riker starting to act strange. He seemed depressed and sad and he never went outside. I tried confronting him about it the other day, but he didn’t want to talk about it. Then Rocky told me Riker said that you had a fight and doesn’t hang out anymore. That was when it hit me! It’s Riker, isn’t it?” Ross asked. He didn’t seem angry or sad. Nor did he seem happy, so I still didn’t know how to reply. “Isn’t it?” he asked again, clearly wanting a simple yes or no answer. I took a few more seconds to try and find a reply that would dodge the bullet, but there was no way of getting out of this. “It’s complicated” I stuttered again. “But it is him, isn’t it?” Ross asked a third time, not willing to give up. “Yes” I answered, looking down at the floor. “I knew it” I could hear him say to himself as I kept staring at my feet.

For a long while I just stood there looking down at my feet, saying nothing. Ross was the first one to break the silence. “I think you should talk to him. He seems really sad” he said. “No, I made a promise to you. I’m not gonna break that promise” I replied. “I don’t care about the promise anymore, Becca. I’ve moved on. I’m over it. It just kills me to see the both of you so sad and know that I’m the reason why.” Ross looked me straight in the eye as he spoke. “It’s not your fault, Ross. It’s mine. And I wouldn’t know what to say to him anyway. He probably doesn’t even want to see me.” I explained to him in frustration. Of course I wanted to see him, but it just can’t be as simple as this. I can’t be that just a simple forgiveness from Ross could solve everything.

“Do whatever you want, Becca. I just don’t like seeing both of you unhappy” Ross said, before he turned around and left. I was still just standing there. I didn’t know what so say or do. It took me about five minutes to snap out of the trance and sit back down on the couch again. I can’t talk to Riker! But I want to talk to Riker! I promised not to! But I love him! He must have moved on by now. It’s too late! There’s no use in talking to him now! He couldn’t possibly want to talk to me! I messed up! It’s too late! For hours I was just arguing with myself about what to do. It felt like I had been given all the ingredients for a fantastic meal, but no recipe. The solution to my problems, but nowhere to start… So much hope, but still so hopeless…

My thought’s got interrupted by the sound of my phone. It was a text. What do you want now Ross? Make me more confused? Or just nag some more to get me to talk to Riker? But it wasn’t from Ross…

“Hi. I know I promised to stay away, and I understand if you don’t want to talk to me, but Ross said he went to see you. He told me that he knows about us, or what we had. He didn’t seem mad, though. Are you okay? –Riker”

My heart almost jumped out of my chest as I saw his name on my screen. I felt the butterflies in my stomach go wild.

“I’m fine. He didn’t seem mad at me either.” I replied. I assumed he still had my number since he just texted me, but he obviously assumed I had deleted his. Why else would he put his name in the text? No, I never deleted that. I couldn’t get myself to do it! His number was still saved in my phone under the same name he himself saved it under: Riker Anthony!

“Good.  So now he knows…” he texted me back. I didn’t know what to reply. He obviously wanted to continue the conversation, but I didn’t know what he wanted me to say.

“I guess he does…” was all I could think of. I’m such a stupid cow! I should have asked him to come over! Or I could have asked him to meet me at the playground again. I could have told him I still loved him, and that I wanted him back. I’m so stupid!

“Too bad he didn’t figure it out before it was too late, right?” he texted. The sentence I was most scared to hear, or in this case read. He thinks it’s too late. It is too late. There’s no hope left now. I can never get things back to the way they were with Riker, because it’s too late.

“Right” I there’s no use in telling him I wanted things back to the way they were. I should just try to forget the whole thing. Move on and forget about him… I had already begun, so why not just continue this way. I have to forget about him sometime. Right?

I gave up trying to sleep. I tried distracting myself from my thoughts instead. I baked cupcakes and brownies, but the baking didn’t distract me enough. I tried on pretty much all the outfits in my closet, but that didn’t help either. I tried watching TV, but nothing would distract me enough, and I couldn’t even focus on that I was watching. So I decided to take the last way out. I’m gonna eat a lot of cupcakes and brownies, pour myself a drink and light a cigarette to calm my nerves.

I reached for a glass and placed it on the counter, took the first bottle I could find out of the cabinet and poured my glass full. I filled my plate with my fresh baked goods, but that’s all I managed to do before I got interrupted by a knock on my door. I froze for a bit, trying to decide if I actually heard what I heard. I glanced at the clock. 2:37 p.m. There couldn’t possibly be someone knocking at my door at this hour. I shook it off and picked my plate back up, but once again I got interrupted by the sound of knocking and once again I froze. Then the doorbell rang. That was definitely not my imagination! Someone is at my door!

I tiptoed over to the door and placed my ear against it. I couldn’t hear a sound, so I decided to open up. At 2:37 p.m. it has to me something important. It has to be Ross. Only he would come to my door at this hour. Is he here to confuse me some more? Is he here to tell me that Riker doesn’t want to talk to me?

I unlocked the door and opened it slowly…

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Who do you think or hope is at the door?