Remember My Mistakes

21. Visit me.

Three hours later

I bawled, and I bawled, and I bawled. Why was it so hard to take such things. Chase, why would I say such things to such a caring person? I ruined our relationship. I ruined it. My heads weren't meant to create, only to destroy. Too bad I can't fix it now, I only get flashbacks of old memories that taunt me in my sleep. If how I used to be. However, I did fix some of my mistakes, but I still have to live through the ones I can't. And those feel like a tidal wave of regret that just drowns you in sorrow and everlasting pain.

I hate it. It just hurts so much. It's like being stabbed, over and over and over again. You wish that the pain would end, that death would finally take you away from your bleeding. But it doesn't. You remain alive. You have to feel the torment. You have to live through your torturous life, and you have no way to heal.

If only there was some sort of medicine, a vaccine to rid you of your burdens. However, things like that only live in your thoughts, imagination, mind, and your dreams. Never in reality. You can really only numb the pain, but once you find out how your numbing yourself, you only feel worse.

A human isn't made of ice, they may seem like it sometimes. As cold and as hard as they get, they are still a living person. They can feel sorrow, rage, and fear. And as soon as they realize they do, they melt away, because they've cut their self off for so long. It takes them by surprise, and they don't even know what hit them. When in reality, it's life that had hit them so hard. They just couldn't see it.

There's only so much the naked eye could see. When can see the expressions people make so we can sort of guess the feeling they are expressing on the inside. But you've only got a fifty fifty chance of getting that right. Some people are so good at hiding their emotions, and won't even know it. They cover it over with fake ones, and you can't tell the difference. That's why people say our eyes can only see so much, because beneath it all, our eyes wouldn't be able to withhold everything. It's way to much, they can't handle it. So, it sort of like protection. Our eyes show is what we can handle, and only some of us can break through the barrier, and see what the world is truly like.

You can fix the world. I constantly say you can fix the world, but it isn't the world. Is the people on the world. Right now, I feel like one of those people that destroy everything behind everyone's back. I'm like the Villain of the story that everyone wants locked away. They want the super hero to capture the bad guy and rid me of the world. Remove me, so I can't harm everyone, from right under their noses.

Backstabbing. That's what it is. I backstabbed my brother. My twin brother. You know, that one person your with your entire life. Your together forever, even if you feel like your a world apart. You shared the same home for nine months. You knew each other before you even knew yourself. That's his strong your bond is. No matter where you go in life. Even if you get separated, your together forever. No matter what happens.

That's just how connections work. Phone connections come and go, but a connection between you and person, takes a lot more to break than a push of a button. It's a bond, and it can be unbreakable, if you know how to protect it.

Protection. That's a great feeling. Knowing that your safe, and that nothing can harm you. That's how I feel when I'm around Chase. Well, that's how I used to feel when I was around Chase. Now I've lost him. I was able to protect our relationship, and he was able to protect our relationship either, because he was too busy protecting me.

I looked up from my crying state, and saw Brett standing in the doorway. "Cara..." He went to comfort me, but I shook my head at him. "Don't comfort me, don't pity me, don't do anything. I don't deserve anything!" I cried. Brett walked over and hugged me ever so tightly, I sat in his lap sideways, and cried. He wrapped his large arms around my waist and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I was terrible Brett. Am I terrible person?" I paused, but I looked at Brett. He went to speak but i shushed him. "Don't answer that, I already know the answer." I am a terrible person.

It's like a disease. One of those that was incurable. You can't fix me. I just have to wait until I rot away, and fall into the endless abyss. You just fall and fall and fall, until you can't take it anymore. You explode, taking everything away with you, and leaving the people with the old scraps that you left behind. That's what makes you a terrible person.

Once you explode, you sink to down to hell below, and you never see the sun and the sky ever again. You live in your very own personal hell alone, and nobody really likes to be alone for eternity. Who would want to be alone forever? Some people may say that being alone is great, it is at some points. It's like a little breather, time for yourself, your very own personal space. Yet, you need a another soul to talk to. A soul to keep you sane.

And the soul that was keeping me sane right now, was Brett.

Until the someone knocked on the front door, and he got up and left. I sat of the bed, with red-rimmed eyes and they were glossed over. Brett walked in and said "someone is here to see you."

Murphy. It had to be.

"Ah, just let Murphy in, it's okay." Then I looked up at the man. Not Murphy.

Chase.