I'm Broken but I'm fine

Part 20

LOUIS POV

I wake up in a sweat panicking, I look around and expect to see Harry, instead I notice I'm in a car and it's not Harry's or one of the boys. I sit up and wince, my body is so sore and my chest is aching. I find my mums in the front seat, driving.

"Mum" I croak.

"Louis, baby, thank god you are okay" she turns around in the passenger seat to say.

"How are you feeling darling?" Anne asks.

I'm confused and I look down, I'm still in my soaking wet clothes and everything comes flooding back to me. I panic, images of Noah being shot and the water around me come flooding back. I want Harry.

"Where is Harry?" I ask croakily, my throat feels like Its on fire"

"Back at the cabin Louis, he agreed it was best for you to come home" Jay says.

"No I don't want to, I want Harry....please mum" I say desperately, gasping for air.

"Just relax Louis, are you feeling okay?" Anne asks again.

I feel like utter shit, but I won't let them know that. My chest is on fire and I cough wetly.

"I'm fine, cold" I tell them.

I start to shiver and I pull the blanket that was on top of me around me and rest my head on the window.

"We will be home soon and you can have a nice warm shower" Anne says.

I find it strange Harry didn't insist on making me change, he is usually so pedantic when it comes to me and those things. I find it strange Harry would want me to come home and he didn't even wake me to say goodbye. I'm so exhausted and I feel sick, I move to get more comfortable and I feel something in my pocket, I pull it out, its my phone. I'm relieved to see it. I pull up a new message and text Harry.

"Haz, why did you send me away?" I type.

I get an instant response.

"I would never send you away little one, I tried to keep you with me Louis. Please don't listen to anything else" the text says.

"I love you, I need you Harry please" I type back desperately.

I just want Harry next to me, I need him. I'm so terrified of sleeping and I need his comfort.

"I love you baby, I'm trying my hardest to get back to you. I promise" the text reads.

Another one comes through before I get a chance to reply.

"How are you feeling?....truthfully" Harry asks

"Sick, I'm exhausted and sore and I feel sick....I want Noah back" I text back.

I don't get a response and I notice we have pulled up at home, it was only an hour drive to Doncaster from the cabin. Mum and Anne help me in the house and I go straight for the shower. I ignore them at their calls for me, they just don't understand right now. I finally make it to the shower and turn on the hot water, my body is chilled to the bone. I'm shaking crazily and I have a hard time stripping my wet clothes off me, my body is still so sore and weak. I manage to get into the warm shower and sink to the floor, my body shaking violently even under the warm water. I try to relax but for some reason I can't. I then start coughing, wetly and it hurts my chest badly. I struggle to get my breath back, eventually I do and I start to panic a little. That was really scary, I actually felt like I couldn't breathe. I calm myself down and sit in the shower, everything comes flashing back to me and I feel like I can't cope. Noah is gone, he was shot right in front of me. My best friend is gone and he didn't deserve any of it. I cry, I just sob hysterically under the shower, I scream and break down. I feel useless and I don't know what else to do. The water eventually starts to run cold, tears dry up and I try to piece myself back together enough to get up off the floor. I then hop out and dry and dress myself in black sweats and a black sweater with white socks. I crawl slowly into bed and snuggle in the blankets. I'm freezing cold and still can't seem to stop shaking. I try to keep my eyes open but I can't I'm just so tired, I know I'll be up in an hour after another nightmare. If I had stayed awake I would have noticed my phone buzzing and Harry trying to call me.