I'm Broken but I'm fine

Part 8

LOUIS POV

I wake up in a sweat, my eyes burning and my throat is so sore. I gasp for air and try to regulate my breathing. Another nightmare, i try to calm down. I feel weak and disorientated and the urge to cut overwhelms me. I fight it though and instead I find myself grabbing my blanket and pillow and walking down the hallway to Harry's room. For some reason I need his comfort but I'm still scared of him. I hesitate in front of his door and I go to turn back when the flashes of my nightmare swim through my brain again. It's enough to get me to push Harry's bedroom door open. I peak in the room, it's huge, with grey carpet and a king size bed in the centre of the room. Harry is tangled in his cream and white sheets and doona. He looks so calm and peaceful when he sleeps, my stomach gets butterfly's watching him. I walk over to the side of the bed and put my pillow on the floor and blanket over me. I settle down and promise myself I will be out of the room before Harry wakes, he can't know I was here. I'm being such a baby but my nightmare was so real, I want to get into bed with Harry but I don't trust him, he will probably yell at me. Just being in the same room as him relaxes me anyway and I fall asleep again hoping I wake up at sunrise.

I'm woken by the sunlight that starts leaking through the window, I startle awake and peak my head up to see if Harry is awake yet. He isn't thank god and is still softly snoring, I get up as quietly as I can and make my way slowly out of the room. When I get back to my bed I try to go back to sleep but I fail. Even though Harry wants to send me home and probably remembers why he left me and that he still hates my guts. I can't help the calming feeling he gives me and how he makes me feel emotionally. I'm so confused, he is my step brother and I know I have strong feelings for him. It goes further than that though, I missed him so much and I feel like whatever I was missing is slowly coming back to me now that Harry is in my life again. It's only been 5 days and I'm even more confused than before I came. Even though i definitely still have the urge to cut, when Harry is around the voices aren't as strong. After yesterday though, I'm not sure where I stand with Harry. He was just so angry and upset at me, I really feel like I disappointed him and he won't want anything to do with me anymore. I'm so scared he is going to leave me again. I'd prefer to be yelled at by Harry 10 times a day over him leaving me again. I wonder if he has spoken to our mums, he kept in touch with them for the last five years and Anne and mum took a few trips out to London to see Harry over the years, It was just me he ignored. I sigh and roll over to face the wall, I should save Harry and the boys anymore heartache and go home, I should book my own ticket and put them out of their misery. I sit up and open my phone and book a ticket from London train station to Doncaster, leaving tomorrow. I know it's the right thing to do.

After I finish, I realise my left wrist is really hurting and I wonder if I should tell Harry, maybe make something up? Like that I cut my wrist on some glass and didn't tell anyone. There are three deep cuts though,no one would believe me. That reminds me that I need to do my washing, I should do it now while everyone is still asleep. I crawl out of bed and make my way to the bathroom, I grab my bloodied and dirty clothes from my wash basket and make my way downstairs to the laundry room. I manage to put all my washing in the machine when Harry walks into the laundry with his own washing, he is rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Oh it's you, I was wondering who was up this early" he says. He seems uncomfortable.

"Sssorry, I didn't mean to wake you......" I say shyly.

"Well just keep it down next time" he says and sighs heavily.

He is still being mean but his sigh was like he is trying his hardest to be nice. I don't want him to have to try.

"Sorry didn't mean to snap" he tells me. I just nod and look away.

"Is there room in there for my stuff too?" He asks and makes his was over to try and open the machine.