I'm Broken but I'm fine

Part 16

"Shhhhhhhhh" Harry says rocking me back and forth,

"It's not fair, I don't want to leave you. I love you" I hiccup.

"I love you too Louis. I will never stop" Harry tells me.

"I'm not 18 for another eight months Haz, I don't want to wait that long. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to cut but I so badly do and I don't want to leave, I feel like I'm suffocating" I tell Harry truthfully.

"I can help you breathe, I know it's going to be hard but I will come visit when I can, we can talk on the phone whenever you want, whatever time it is. We will get through this, I promise" Harry tells me. I just rest my head in his chest and breathe him in. I let him comfort me, I never want to leave his arms again.

The afternoon is spent with little words but lots of hugs from the boys and especially Harry. The train station is packed when we get there and as I hug the boys goodbye we all shed tears. When it's time to say goodbye to Harry, I loose it and break down completely in his arms again.

"Shhhhhh, baby it's okay. I will call you everyday and come visit on my days off. I promise on my life Lou" he tells me.

"What if you leave me again, I don't want this Harry" I tell him completely wrecked.

"I will never ever leave you again little one. You are mine and I will fight for you. I'm here and I will always be here" he tells me with such conviction.

"I love you, I'm going to miss you so much" I tell him.

He pulls me tighter against him.

"I love you too baby, I will miss you more than you can imagine" he tells me.

Zayn ends up prying me off Harry and walking me to the train. I hug him goodbye and I step on the train. I find my seat against the window where I can see the boys. The boys wave me goodbye and I watch as they become smaller and smaller and then completely out of site. I let the tears keep falling. I feel empty and alone and it's so quiet yet there are so many people on the train.

You're pathetic crying on a train, what a baby.

Harry won't call you, he probably said your parents wanted you home but really he didn't want to deal with you anymore.

You're worthless.

The voices are back and I don't want to deal with this, I start snapping the rubber band on my wrist over and over. It settles me a little and I rest my head on the train window and close my eyes. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I take my phone out. It's a message from Harry.

"I love you little one, be good" it reads.

I close my eyes and lean on the window, I can't bring myself to respond, I have to learn how to deal without Harry now.

HARRYS POV

It's been a week since Louis left and I can't get the image of his broken eyes in the window of the train as he was taken from me. I feel numb, the house is so quiet and there is an unsaid tension and depression that has settled over the boys and I. Louis being in our lives for all those weeks has changed us and none of us even realised how much until he left. Zayn is handling it quite bad as well and has been more cranky and anxious. He is constantly asking if I've spoken to Louis and is trying to organise a guard outside our mums house.

Louis hasn't really spoken to me in the last week, I wanted to let him have his space but it's killing me, he is pulling away and I'm so worried about him. He has been answering my texts with one answer responses and I just hope he hasn't gone backwards. I've spoken to Andy and he has told me to make sure I keep communication up no matter what, he said he understands where our parents were coming from, but is also worried about Louis recovery. He checks in daily with me too. Niall and Andy have decided to move in together and Andy has been moving his things over this last week. Niall and him now share a room and I'm so happy for them both and having Andy around will be great.