I'm Broken but I'm fine

Part 16

"Morning kiddo, how you doing?" Zayn asks as he comes and sits next to me. He puts his legs through the balcony like mine, letting them dangle too. He takes out a cigarette and lights it, taking a drag.

I shrug my shoulders at him.

"It's okay to not be okay you know" Zayn tells me. We don't look at each other just out at the city.

"It doesn't matter though does it Z, it doesn't matter how I feel, I can't change anything. It is what it is and I have to find a way to deal" I say.

Zayn passes me his smoke and I'm thankful and take a drag before I'm passing it back.

"Why do I get the feeling that you are getting ready to push us all away" he asks me.

We continue to pass the smoke back and forth.

"Because it's easier" I tell him.

"Well we are not going to loose you Louis, I won't let that happen kid" Zayn says.

He finishes the smoke, throws it over the edge and turns to me. He gets up off the ground, places a kiss to my head where he lingers a little and then he walks back inside. Andy then makes an appearance once Zayn is inside.

"Thought you had snuck off again" Andy says smiling as he sits down next to me.

"Was thinking about it" I tell him truthfully.

"What about the blade?" He asks me. Normally I would get upset at the invasive question but I don't feel like that anymore with Andy.

"Yeah, a lot.....I don't want to do it though" I tell him.

"I'm glad Lou, I want you to know I'm only a phone call away when your thoughts get too much, okay" he tells me.

"I know, I want you to know that I trust you and I'm actually thankful you found out my secret. I couldn't have done any of this without you Andy" I say tearing up.

Andy pulls me into my arms and hugs me tightly.

"I love you kid, you know that right" he tells me.

I nod and he kisses my head, we sit there for a little longer before Niall and Liam come out with a jumper for me. Andy gets up, kisses Niall and walks back inside. Liam and Niall sit down, one on either side of me. Niall pulls the jumper over my head, not letting me protest.

"I don't want you to go Lou" he says sadly.

"I don't want to go either" I tell him.

"I never got to take you to the best burger shop in London, I wanted to change your mind about burgers" he says smiling.

"I lied" I tell him smiling.

"You lied?" Liam questions.

"Yeah, I love burgers, I just didn't want to eat one" I say.

"Louis William, all this time!!" Niall cackles.

"Well you will have to come back and visit Lou, we will take you then" Liam says,

"I think I'd like that" I smile.

The boys move closer and we snuggle together on the balcony. Just watching the world, lost in our thoughts.

"Can I interrupt?" Harry's voice asks from behind us.

"If you must" Liam says chuckling.

Nial and Liam both stand up and walk back inside and Harry closes the door and comes and sits next to me, he pulls me onto his lap and I can't stop the sob that escapes me.