I'm Broken but I'm fine

Part 16

"Is, everything okay H?" Liam asks.

Harry sighs.

"No, not really, mum.....mum and Jay want you back home Lou, after today, which they found out about. They want you home, said you're safer there" Harry says defeated.

I start breathing harder.

"But you, you said no right?, that I'm staying with you right?" I say, knowing the answer.

"Baby, I tried, I did but, legally I can't do anything. You are still 17 and I can't let you stay or I will get into trouble" Harry says.

"But....but....mum wouldn't do that, she wouldn't report you" I say panicking.

Harry looks at me with so much sorrow.

"If you aren't on the train home tomorrow night, they will be reporting me" Harry says.

"No!" I yell, the tears start then

"I don't want to go back Harry, PLEASE DONT MAKE ME" I yell

"Do they not realise that Stinger is still out there Harry?" Niall asks incredulously.

"Exactly, we are the ones that will be able to keep Louis safe!" Liam says.

"If he goes home, it will be unprotected Harry" Zayn says, his anger getting the better of him.

"I know all of this. But my career is on the line. I can be taken to jail for kidnapping" Harry says sympathetically.

"We know H, we know. This isn't your fault, we know you have no choice" Liam tells Harry.

"I'm scared Harry, I can't do this alone, I'm scared and I don't want stinger to find me" I say my breathing picking up.

Harry instantly stands up and wraps me in his arms.

"I won't let him find you, Lou" Harry tells me.

"But I won't have you" I say brokenly.

We hold each other, just breathing each other in. This is so unfair, can't my parents see this is the wrong thing for both of us. I know they only want what's best for me but how can they think this is it, especially after they were the ones who sent me away in the first place. I don't want to go back, I'm scared I'm going to fall back into cutting, I don't want to go backwards. I'm going to miss the boys and Andy so so much. I know Harry has no choice in this and the last thing I would want is for him to get into trouble.

The boys all join in on the hug and we stand in the lounge room together for god knows how long. I already feel myself slipping, I'm not sure how to cope with this. We all end up camping out in the lounge room on the floor together on mattresses and blankets. We fall asleep knowing it's the last night I will be staying here and it's absolutely gutting. I don't sleep though, instead I lie awake trying to make a mental note of what Harry's arms feel like around me, what he smells like, what he looks like when he sleeps. I need these things in my mind so when I'm alone and lonely I can think of him and remember. I cry tears of frustration and sadness silently all night and I hate this feeling. I'm trying not to go back to the past but it's so hard. When I do eventually shut my eyes, I'm awake half an hour later after another nightmare of Nick. Harry wraps his arms tighter around me and I feel safe again. What am I going to do when he isn't around anymore, I love him so much.

When morning comes I sneak out of the lounge room while the boys are all sleeping and I open the sliding door to the tiny balcony the boys have, I sit outside in the cold in just my boxers and Tshirt. It's freezing but I pay no mind to it, instead concentrating on just watching the traffic go by below, watching the sky and listening to the busy sounds of London. I don't know how long I sit outside for, I'm Interrupted though.