I'm Broken but I'm fine

Part 9

"So your saying what?" I ask asking Andy to say the words. I hope it's not what I'm thinking, Louis can't be doing what Andy is implying.

"I think Louis is self harming Haz....I'm sorry" Andy says.

My face drains of colour and the signs and symptoms add up. I know it's the truth but I don't want to believe it. Tears spring to my eyes, this is all my fault I'm such a fucking asshole. Louis is self harming, he thinks so low of himself he feels the need to harm himself.

"I think he cuts his wrists and one of them has gotten infected, he can't show us because his secret will be revealed" Andy says.

"I don't.....I believe you I do I just I don't.......what do we do?" I ask hopelessness in my voice.

"An intervention, we are going to have to find his stash of blades and confront him, we need to get this sorted before this infection gets worse, I need to treat the cuts and Louis" Andy tells me seriously.

"Will he have to go to your clinic, will he have to be sent away for treatment?" I ask scared of the answer, I don't want to have to send him away.

"No Haz I don't think so, I think he would respond better with a bit of love and support form all of us. I think being bullied for the last five years is a big part of this and I think we can sort this out together" Andy says.

I'm relieved that Louis won't have to be sent away, I just want to help him. The poor kid must have been going through some rough shit and felt so alone if he has resulted to harming himself.

Andy sees me lost in thought and comes over and engulfs me in a big hug, I go willingly.

"He will be okay Haz, we will get him through this. I promise" Andy whispers in my ear.

"Thanks Andy, thank you!" I says as I squeeze him tighter.

We pull part and we head back towards the lounge room, I see Louis snuggled up to Zayn who is carding his hands through Louis hair, I want that to be me. He looks so adorable and peaceful I just want to cuddle him.

"Hey Harry, I forgot to mention" Noah brings me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I say smiling at Noah.

"I think Louis hurt his wrist when they grabbed him, it was bleeding pretty bad. He wouldn't let me look at it though" Noah says.

Andy and I share a look before I turn back to Noah and smile.

"Thanks bud, we will check it out when he wakes up" I say.

"Sure......um I better get going, tell Louis I said bye and that I'll text him" Noah says.

"Sure buddy, Niall and I will organise you an escort home okay" I say.

"Thanks Harry, I appreciate it" Noah smiles.

Him and Niall head outside the flat to organise a police escort to take Noah home. I'm not entirely sure that stingers gang is just after Jaxson.

Louis, stirs on the couch and whimpers in his sleep. I look towards him and frown. His sleeve has ridden up and I see the dozens of bracelets on his wrist and I sigh.

"What's up Haz? Is it got to do with Louis results?" Zayn asks.

Andy and I sit down in the couch and we explain what Andy told me in the kitchen to the boys, when Niall walks back in we fill him in as well.

"So Louis is self harming?" Zayn says.

"We think so yeah" Andy says.

"Ohhhh man, this is not what I though at all, so we have to confront him?" Zayn asks.

"Yeah, we need to find his blades and confront him, Louis will never confess this on his own and his infection needs to be treated" Andy says.

"Well let's go and search his room now" I say.

"Yeah, while he is asleep, let's go and have a look" Andy says.

"This is an invasion of privacy I don't know if this is right" Niall says.

"I know Ni but we need to do this in order to help Louis" Liam says to Niall.

Andy and I go into Louis room and begin our search.

"He is going to hide it Harry, we have to be clever and think of some hiding places" Andy says.

I nod and we get to searching, we find nothing in his bedroom apart from a stash of cigarettes and some weed. We obviously confiscate them. We then head towards the bathroom and we both lean down to the bottom cupboard under the sink. As I'm bending down I glance in Louis hamper, his shirt from today is in their and it's covered in blood. I sigh and turn back to Andy and help him look in the cupboard. There isn't much inside but at the back we come across a metal box, we both know we have found Louis stash. Andy takes it and opens it slowly, inside are reason blades and most of them are covered in dried blood. There is also a towel and some antiseptic cream. I break down then, knowing that Louis is definitely harming himself. The tears come and I can't get them to stop. I feel so guilty. Andy brings me into his arms and comforts me. I pull myself together, this isn't about me, this is about Louis and I need to be there for him. We pack the box back up and head downstairs. And sit on the couch next to the boys. We solace the box on the coffee table and we all sit their in silence stunned. I look at Louis, so innocent and gorgeous. I want to know what's going through his head, what awful dreams he is having to make him do this to himself.

"Do we confront him now? Or wait until he wakes up or wait until he is better?" Liam asks us, looking toward Louis as well.

"Well, I need to treat the cuts in order for him to get better so we can't wait, let's put him to bed and wait until he wakes up. Then we will confront him, we need to discuss how we are going to go about everything and his reactions" Andy tells us.

"I'll put him in bed" I say.

I stand up and reach for Louis and pick him up bridal style, he is so light. He cuddles Into me and my heart breaks. This is all he has ever wanted from me, why did I have to be such a dick.

I reach his room and tuck him under the sheets. I still can't get my head around this and I'm not looking forward to the shit storm that about to happen when he wakes up.

I walk back downstairs to the kitchen and help Niall prepare dinner. Andy is talking to us about what to expect when Louis wakes up.

"He is going to be upset and scared, really scared. We don't know how long this is been going on but it's a big thing to try and hide. He is going to be mad at himself for not hiding it better. We need to remember that this is his way of coping, has been for a while, to have that found out and taken away will be traumatising for him" Andy says,

"What if he leaves? What if he wants to go back home?" Niall asks.

"Yeah, I don't know if we should be telling our mums just yet....I do t know what to do in that respect" I say truthfully.

"Look, we haven't even spoken to Louis yet okay, we just need to play it by ear and just be ready for anything. We need patience and we need to not treat him with sympathy, that is the last thing we need to do. We treat this like it's okay and we can fix it" Andy tells us.

That makes sense not to treat Louis any differently. I know this is going to be difficult, that Louis is going to go through so many emotions but I'm going to get him through this.

We all eat our dinner in silence, to many thoughts running through our heads. We clean up and make our way through to the lounge room, the TV is on in the background but none of us are paying attention to it. The box full razors is still on the coffee table, we are all staring at it, no one seems to be able to take their eyes off of it. It's eight o'clock when we hear noise upstairs, Louis has been asleep for four hours. We hear ho, rustling around and we all prepare our selfs for the confrontation. I can feel my heart going a million miles a minute and I know the boys feel the same. We wait and soon enough we hear small footsteps descend the stairs.